I shake my head again, grind my teeth.
“Okay, okay. You want to know what I think? I think you know the whole code of honor is really just a bunch of bullshit, and if you reallylike this broad, Jack —”
“Jax,” I correct him.
“Whatever. If he’s a real squad leader, he’ll give you his blessing to ask his sister out. You just have to sit him down, and ask him nicely and all that jazz. Guys in our line of work do it all the time, and it’s a good thing they do, otherwise half of ’em would probably never end up with a descent girl.
I take in my brother’s words.
“You know I’m right, man,” Brendan continues. “Because you already know all of that. It’s not some bullshit rule that’s stopping you from making a move on this girl.”
He punctuates his point by waving his bottle at me.
I study the ground for a minute, and exhale. I’m suddenly feeling heavy and depressed. Even the beer in my hand, with just a couple sips left in it, feels too heavy to lift.
After a few moments of silence, I look up. “You’re right.” I furrow my brow and brace myself to open up and tell the truth. “It’s not the stupid rule. It’s . . . Ever since Sully died I jus —”
“Oh spare me the sob story,” Brendan cuts me off.
“What do you mean sob story?” My voice rises. “Sully was my best friend.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t,” Brendan points out calmly. “And that’s actually all the more reason not to blame him for your cowardice.”
“My what?” I exclaim.
“You heard me.”
“Fine,” I say with annoyance and a pinch of desperation, “I give up. Clearly, I don’t know my own mind. So, why don’t you graciously tell me why I’m hesitant to ask Bethany out?”
“So, her name’s Bethany, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“What does she look like?”
I’m about to describe her eyes and curves, but I catch myself.
Brendan rolls his eyes. “Listen, you’re great at running into burning buildings. And I’m sure the civilians you’ve saved lined up to kiss you and tell you what a hero you are. But let’s be honest, Joe. In pretty much every other area of your life, you’re a coward.”
“Are you serious right now?!” I say, standing up. I’m looming over him now, but he doesn’t seem too worried about it. The last time we fought I was in ninth grade and he was in eleventh.
He eyes me calmly.
“How am I a coward?” I demand.
“You don’t put yourself out there or take risks. You’ve never had your heart broken, which, to be honest, is pretty sad. That’s what life’s all about. And it’s not like you’re that way only with women, either. You were the best high school running back McHenry County’s ever seen, and did you even tryto play college ball? No. You wanted to have fun, instead.” Brendan shakes his head. “But really, you just didn’t want to find out if you were as good as people said. Too much pressure.”
And with that blow, Brendan sits back and takes another drink.
I throw up my hands. “Oh that is rich coming from you. I don’t see you risking heartbreak. You’ve got this house but no one to share it with.”
“You’re right,” Brendan says. “I haven’t found someone yet. But at least I’m looking.”
I clench my jaw. He’s got me there. Also, I now realize I’m a big fat hypocrite. First, I didn’t take advice from Jax because he’s in a happy relationship. Now, I’m not taking advice from from my brother because he’s single.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I just don’t want to hear the truth.
As if reading my thoughts, Brendan says, “Look, you’re my little brother. All I can do is lay out the truth for you. It’s on you whether to look at it squarely and face the facts.”
