They were finally coming home, and it would never be enough.
The demand for more would have to wait, she knew that. This was an apology, an admission. This was for Bellamy, not Vesper. And Bellamy deserved to be in control for that.
Bellamy’s thighs tightened around Vesper’s head. Her bodytensed before she jerked, coming with a beautiful, strangled cry. Vesper slowed, letting Bellamy ride out her high before she pulled out and kissed her thigh, her stomach. Bellamy tugged Vesper’s hair, pulling her up. She sniffled, and Vesper saw fresh tears staining her face.
Vesper’s brows furrowed. She wiped off her mouth, pulling Bellamy in, pressing Bel’s face into her chest. “What’s wrong?” she whispered, stroking Bellamy’s unruly curls.
Bellamy clutched Vesper’s shirt, pulled her closer, and squeezed like she might disappear. “What’re we doing?” Her voice was small and uncertain.
Vesper sighed, hugging her tight. “We’re… figuring this out. Working through our shit—some of it—and surviving.”
“Vesper I—” Bellamy cut herself off with a choked sob. “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry, for everything.”
“Yeah, Bel. Me too,” Vesper murmured against her hair. She waited until Bellamy’s cries subsided and her body stopped shaking. “Why don’t you tell me the truth. About everything with Cedar. What happened?”
Vesper kept her words gentle, soft. It was what Bellamy needed right now, and Vesper was suddenly so tired of the anger. The second Bellamy sacrificed her life—or tried to—for Vesper, well… Vesper lost her grip on the rage she’d been holding. She couldn’t do it anymore—the fighting, the hatred… She was done.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Bellamy
6 Years Ago
She was so close.
Bellamy had wracked up at least 81,000 worth of yin in tokens—one more hand and she was golden. That would be it, all she’d need to get them out. She hadn’t needed much. With this, she’d surpassed her goal. She could cash out and finally tell Vesper the good news.
Everything they wanted was within reach.
There was a new girl at her table, a cute little red-head she hadn’t seen around before. The woman kept watching Bellamy, the piercing gaze set her on edge. It didn’t matter though, whatever the woman tried to do, Bellamy was going home to Vesper. Ever since they’d met, she hadn’t wanted anyone else.
Not only that, she was going home with enough money to secure their future, to let their contract expire and let them do what they really wanted. To live out their dreams. No one could get in her way now.
Then, the cards were revealed. That little red-head won, her coy smile directed right at Bellamy. Bellamy narrowed her eyes. Nobig deal, she already had enough, she could just cash out now, collect her winnings, and be done. Easy.
Two hours later, she’d lost everything she’d won that night and then some. It would be horribly ill-advised of her to stay now. It took effort to ignore that little voice in her head telling her that just one more game wouldn’t hurt.
It was late. Vesper would be wondering where she was. Her high had come crashing down around her. Bellamy couldn’t get them out tonight. She wouldn’t even be able to do it tomorrow, or the next day. It’d take at least a week, plus she had to pay back the house. This one fucking hurt.
Bellamy had hit a spot like this only once before, and it sucked. It sucked now too. Which meant she was now going home to Vesper in a shit mood. And she couldn’t even tell her why. Okay, she could tell her why, but then Vesper would make her stop.
Vesper had never liked Bellamy gambling. Said it was too risky. Especially with how hard it already was for them to save. She’d always had a difficult time figuring out where their money went. Granted, their employers didn’t pay them well, but she thought they would have been able to save more than they were.
She turned down an alleyway shortcut she used to get home. It was dark, streetlights were fleeting, and the stench of rubbish piled up around her, almost making her gag. But it was away from the noise of the main road, the talking, the drinks sloshing. She always had to take this alleyway out of what the locals called Gambler’s Lane. It was the only way for her to resist the desire to keep playing.
Bellamy steeled herself at the site of their towering building in the distance. One of the biggest high rises in the city. She was still in a shit mood and more likely to snap at Vesper. She’d also have to pass by the Downstairs. She always did. It was the design of the building. Bellamy fucking hated it.
The whores always looked at Vesper, every fucking day. Theynever looked at Bellamy—not that she wanted them to. She just wanted them to stop looking at Vesper like they saw something in her that they didn’t see in Bellamy. A target. Vesper claimed she was just friends with them, and Bellamy trusted her, but that didn’t make it easier when she saw Vesper talking to them.
She kicked a pile of trash as she passed it, working out some of her anger before getting back to the building and seeing the whores that Vesper had, for some reason, befriended.
It was unfair of her to be upset with Vesper. She’d never touch them, Bellamy knew that. Sheknewthat. But there was always that little worry, that little insecurity.
Bellamy groaned, her hands balled into fists at her sides. She was projecting now, building up anger at Vesper, who’d done nothing wrong. She was pushing the focus away from her miserable night. Bellamy was making sure she’d snap at Vesper now, start a fight because she was angry with herself. Snap at the one person who could stand her when she was like this.
A muffled curse drew Bellamy out of her spiral. Stumbling footsteps faltered behind her. Bellamy froze, turning slowly, her magic pricking against her fingertips. No one ever came through this alley—at least, not that she saw. The red-head from the shop was about fifteen paces away. Illuminated in the dim glow of Bellamy’s cracking magic, the girl was trying to right herself while she peeled trash out of her shoe.
Bellamy scoffed, trying not to laugh as she turned away. Seeing the girl like that made her feel a tiny bit better. She wondered if the girl lived in her building. If that was the case, she must have just moved in since Bellamy hadn’t seen her around before. At least it seemed like her good luck didn’t extend to the streets.
