It was nice, almost comforting. Bellamy’s soft lips parted only slightly, following whatever lead Vesper was taking. Her hands didn’t wander, she didn’t even try anything, she just moved with Vesper. It lasted too long, but Vesper couldn’t seem to pull herself away. Beneath the mountain, here in the dark, it didn’t seem to matter what they did.
Vesper knew Bellamy wouldn’t break it. Knew that she had to be the one to stop them, and she hated it. Hated it because she didn’t actually want to stop. With every ounce of willpower she possessed, Vesper pulled back. She let hands fall away and silently thanked this tunnel for the lack of light. She didn’t think she could look at Bellamy right now.
Their foreheads were pressed together, and they breathed eachother's air. Vesper so badly wanted to close that gap again. Wanted to take things further. For the first time in a long time, shewantedto lose to Bellamy. Vesper would need time to clear her head, to forget their touches in this trolley. To remind herself she hated Bellamy.
“Thank you,” Bellamy whispered, so quiet that Vesper almost missed it. Bellamy sniffed and got off her lap. She smacked into the side of the table with a muffled curse and dragged herself over to the bed.
Of course Bellamy would still take the fucking bed. Why wouldn’t she? A little spark of irritation found its way back into Vesper’s veins as she fumbled her own way to the bench. She didn’t bother trying to find her sleeping clothes in the dark. Instead, she shucked off her pants to sleep in her t-shirt and boxers. Basically what she slept in anyway.
“Ves?” Bellamy’s still too-quiet voice interrupted the hum of the trolley. She debated not answering her, pretending to be asleep instead. “I changed my mind, what I want for my win.”
Vesper scoffed. She couldn’t hold it in. Bellamy couldn’t just fucking change her mind after that. She got that fucking kiss. That was her win.
“Don’t hate me,” Bellamy whispered, voice cracking at the end, then the bed creaked and Vesper knew Bellamy had rolled over.
Vesper didn’t answer.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Vesper
Vesper wasn’t sure what time she startled awake. Her surroundings were still mostly black; they had moved out of the tunnel, and faint moonlight filtered into the cabin. The trolley was still moving. A different noise had woken her. It took her a second to locate what it was, then it happened again.
A soft cry came from the bed. Quiet pleas broke through the trolley stillness. Bellamy whimpered, and Vesper almost didn’t catch it, but she could have sworn Bel had called out her name. It didn’t sound good either. Soft calls of “no” and “please not her” filled the air. Since when did Bellamy have nightmares?
Vesper reached around the bed until she found Bellamy’s ankle. She shook it, prepared for Bellamy to yell at her. Instead, she got a stifled sob and weak sniffles when Bellamy jolted out of her grasp.
“Bel?” Vesper’s voice was thick with sleep. “You okay?” Her sleep-addled brain was too slow to stop the words. She was still too thrown off by what Bellamy had uttered before sleep dragged them under. Still thinking about Bellamy’s lips on hers, even in the deep dredges of sleep.
“Yeah,” Bellamy said and sniffed. Her voice was so quiet, so small and broken. Nothing like she had been hoursearlier.
Once again, before she could stop herself, that stupid fucking softness crawled back into Vesper’s gut. She climbed over the bench and pulled Bellamy into her, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Bellamy tucked into Vesper and clutched her tight like she would vanish if she let go.
“It’s okay,” Vesper soothed. She wrapped her arms around Bellamy protectively, holding her until Bel stopped sniffling and her grip loosened, sleep taking Bellamy under.
Vesper should leave. She should untangle herself from this mess and roll off the bed back onto her bench. Shit, Vesper shouldn’t have climbed up here at all. The more she woke up, the more she regretted her actions. Sleep wouldn’t come easily to her, especially as she sat with the knowledge that her first instinct upon waking was to protect Bellamy. An instinct shethoughtshe’d killed years ago.
She hadn’t even been thinking of anything but those soft cries. They still rang in her ears. Fuck, Vesper hadn’t even had time to remember that she hated Bellamy. She couldn’t convince herself that the only reason she’d comforted Bel was because she wouldn’t shut the fuck up and it was ruining Vesper’s sleep.
What had been so awful that Bellamy was crying out in her sleep and seeking safety in Vesper’s arms? Since when did she have nightmares?
Vesper couldn’t hate Bellamy when she was like this. She still had Bel in a protective hold, and she was powerless to let go, to move away like she knew she should. She hated that Bel had asked Vesper not to hate her, hated that she was fucking falling for it.
The tiniest piece of the defenses she’d built up around her heart over all the years had just snapped out of place.
Vesper decided to blame the fucking trolley. It was the longest they’d been stuck together, unable to escape, since Bellamy had ruined everything. It was the first time Vesper had held her while they slept like this since Bellamy had moved out.
Bel had been more bold, taking more than she should, making their touches feel intimate and soft, caring. It was her fuckingfault for starting the shit. If she’d never broken them up… Vesper cut off that line of thinking. Bellamyhadbroken them up. And this, right here, was fucking meaningless.
Despite it all, Vesper couldn’t lie to herself in that moment. Holding Bel like that, keeping her safe... It fucking hurt.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Vesper
The morning was uncomfortable to say the least. Vesper woke first, and relief flooded her when Bellamy was still sound asleep. They’d barely moved at all during the night. Bellamy was still curled against Vesper’s chest, their legs tangled together. Vesper’s arm was still draped over Bellamy’s shoulders.
The bright light filtering through the windows was sure to rouse Bellamy soon. Vesper couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept past sunrise like that.
