“Abby.” His voice was guttural, as if the strain of his rage made it hard to talk.
“I know,” she said.
He grabbed her and crumpled. It was the only way to describe how quickly he fell to the ground, taking her with him and holding her like the last lifeline available to him. His arms banded tightly around her ribs, and he buried his head in her neck, folding in on himself and engulfing her. She did the only thing she could—wrapped her body around him and held on. The force of his sobs shook his whole body.
Her heart broke for him. All he wanted to do was protect kids from the monsters in the world. She petted his head, running one hand down the close-cropped hair at the back of his neck. “Shhhh. Shhhh.” She tried to gentle him the same way she would Will when he had a bad dream.
She looked behind him at his friends and coworkers. Many of them had their mouths open, staring at her in shock. Her brows pinched. What had they expected him to do?
Paige gathered herself first and started shooing people away. They didn’t go far. Angie’s workstation was in the far corner and she positioned her chair to face them. She sat cross-legged, elbows on knees, hands folded prayer-like. Everyone else did pretty much the same—positioned chairs so they could keep an eye on them. Or maybe just Tinker.
Abby saw worry etched on their faces. She knew they cared and maybe were a little scared that this big, strong man had finally reached his limit.
Paige came close and said, “Call us, when you need us.”
Abby nodded, then tucked her head down close to Tinker’s. She didn’t know how long they sat like that. Every now and then, he would grip her tighter, his fingers digging into her ribs. A sob would escape, then he’d slowly ease off. One leg was asleep and her hip was cramping, but she’d stay like that until he was ready. Finally, he slowly lifted his head as if the weight of it was almost too much.
She framed his face with her hands and searched his bloodshot eyes.
“This is my fault,” he said hoarsely.
She frowned. “What?”
“She asked me out.”
“Who?”
“Becky, her mom,” he said. “Told me point blank Melanie needed a dad and she wanted it to be me.”
“Christian, no. Don’t do that to yourself. You can’t control the choices other people make in their lives,” she said.
“If I’d said yes, if I had agreed to even a date?—”
“We wouldn’t have met,” she said. “I wouldn’t know you. I wouldn’t know the strong and caring man in front of me. Choices have consequences, bad and good. Becky made her own choices. For all you know, she would have done the exact same thing even if you had agreed to go out with her. Her taking her ex-boyfriend back was not something you could control.”
“I—”
“No,” she said firmly. “I’m not letting you do this to yourself. You can’t save everyone, Christian. As much as you want to and as much as you try, you can’t. And if you try to take on the guilt of every fucked-up person in this world, you will destroy yourself.”
“She’s just a little girl.” The pain in his voice broke her heart all over again.
“I know.” She ran a hand down the side of his face. “We’ll help her.”
He buried his face back in her neck and let out a shuddering breath.
She felt another presence close and looked up. Dani stood over them, tears tracking down her face. Abby didn’t know if she was crying for Melanie or her brother. Either way, she sat down behind Tinker and wrapped legs and arms around him, pressing against his back. A few seconds later, Angie sat on Tinker’s left, facing Abby, and rested her head on his shoulder.
Consequences
They’d tried to convince Tinker to go home, but what good would that have done? Let him stew by himself? He finally compromised on moving to one of the bunk rooms, getting out of the way, while they promised to let him know when they had news.
Abby stayed by his side the entire time. He owed her an apology. Fuck, he owed everyone an apology. His computer was probably busted. Throwing it against the wall would do that.
There was no telling how much more damage he would’ve done or who he would’ve hurt if Abby hadn’t shown up. He’d needed an outlet for his rage, or it would have overwhelmed him. And it had all transformed into crippling helplessness at the sight of Abby. He’d needed her the way a drowning man needed a life raft.
She was his rescue. His lifeline. As soon as they’d gotten into the room, he’d all but collapsed onto the bed, pulling Abby with him. He’d wrapped himself around her, refusing to let her go. It was selfish, he knew. She was probably uncomfortable.
He loosened his hold and put a few inches of space between them.
