“Let’s begin by linking our breaths with our motion. Bring your arms up and out to the sides as you inhale deeply, then bring them down through heart center as you exhale.”
She moved through the poses, trying to follow Crystal’s soft voice. Tried to focus on her breathing and clear her mind, but even as her body moved from one pose to the next, her mind and spirit refused to quiet. Instead it was as if each new pose released another tumbler on the lock that held her together. The more tumblers that unlocked, the weaker her hold became until her control slipped through her fingers.
Thankful they had moved into pigeon pose, she rested her forehead on her hands as the tears splashed to the mat under her. She barely contained the sob that racked her body, but she stiffened when a soft hand rested on her back.
“Addison, why don’t you move to child’s pose,” Crystal said softly next to her head.
She nodded and pulled her outstretched leg under her, resting her butt on her calves. She cradled her face in her hands and let go. Shame joined fear, anger, and worry in their efforts to overwhelm her.
This wasn’t her. She didn’t lose control. Or…it hadn’t been her. Nothing had been the same since that compound exploded. It hurt too much to keep fighting. Until today, she had been close to accepting what everyone else had said—she was in denial and so desperate for Braedon to be alive that she latched on to the connection of their youth as a reason to believe he hadn’t been killed.
Relief, too, coursed through her. Relief that he was alive and she wasn’t crazy. She could face whatever came next, knowing he was alive.
A whine and a wet tongue licking her cheek made her raise her head. Which gave the small, floppy-eared dog the opening it needed as it bathed her chin and neck. Addison pushed up and swung her legs around, crossing them in front of her, and wiped her face with the collar of her shirt.
“Hey there, little guy.” She picked him up and looked between his legs. “Girl. Where did you come from?”
“I don’t know, she just ran over and made a beeline for you.”
Addison glanced away from the puppy to find Crystal sitting on a mat close to her. They were the only ones there, the rest of the class having dispersed. How long had she been curled up on herself?
“Hey. Sorry about…that. I hope it didn’t disrupt the class.”
“Not at all. A few people asked if you were okay, but I assured them I’d sit with you until you were ready.”
Addison nodded and rubbed her face against the puppy’s side. “Thank you. And again, I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”
“Don’t apologize. One of the things I love about yoga is that it causes us to be honest with ourselves. With our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. You were obviously in a place where you needed to release some bad energy.” Crystal tilted her head. “Is there anything I can help with? I know I’m a complete stranger, but I’m a really good listener.”
She clutched the puppy to her chest. “I…uh. I lost my brother recently, and it’s been hard.”
“Would you like to get some coffee and talk about him?”
She appreciated that Crystal didn’t offer her empty platitudes or sympathies. She was so tired of hearing, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Crystal didn’t even ask if she wanted to talk about it—about his death or her loss—she asked if Addison wanted to talk about him.
Oddly, she did. She wanted to tell someone about her brother who hadn’t known him as a SEAL or a military hero. She wanted to share all the silly fights they’d had growing up and the time she’d busted him making out with his first real date.
“Yeah, I would.” She ruffled the puppy’s floppy ears. “We should see if we can find her owner first.”
