“For fuck’s sake, Emme. You’re right. I didn’t have to stay in Abu Dhabi. I could have come on this fucked up deployment as soon as you were out of Mali. I stayed because you needed me.”
“How did I need you?”
“Are you kidding? You used me as an emotional crutch. I tried to do the right thing and walk away.”
“Right. Because you got nothing out of us being together.”
He opened his mouth to answer, but a pager beeped somewhere next to his computer. He picked it up and looked at it. “Fuck. I don’t have time for this right now.” He stood and she caught a glimpse of his black shorts, he same kind he’d worn in Abu Dhabi. “I’ll call in a couple of days when I get back off mission.” The screen flickered black before switching to the home screen of the video chat program.
She took a shuddering breath. Would they? They’d never fought. Of course, two weeks wasn’t enough time to fight about anything.
Someone knocked at her door. Mom or Dad? “Just a second.” She swiped her fingers across her cheek and answered the door, surprised to find Gilly. “Hey.”
“Hey. Thought you could use this.” She held out a glass of white wine.
Emme pressed her lips together in a semblance of a smile and took the glass. “Thanks.”
“Can I come in a sec?”
She stepped back. “Sure.” She noticed the second glass in Gilly’s hand. “You shouldn’t be drinking. At least not right now. A glass every now and then in your third trimester won’t hurt, but it still goes against doctor’s orders.”
“Oh, this one is for you, too. I figured the way you left dinner you were going to need two glasses.”
That earned a real smile. “Thanks.”
“Sure.” Gilly sat in the winged-back chair beside the bed. “Did you get a hold of Jordan.”
Emme looked down at the glass and sat on the edge of the bed. “Yes.”
“What did he say?”
She took a sip of the chilled wine. “That he knew there were incentives when he took the job, but not what they were.”
“Do you believe him?”
Did she? “I don’t know.” But she did. Once she dug down deep enough in her heart, past the hurt and doubt, she knew the truth. “Yes. I believe him.”
“But you’re still upset?” Gilly probed.
Emme nodded and took another sip of wine.
“What bothers you most?”
She huffed. “I was wondering the same thing when you knocked on the door.”
“And?”
“It hurts to think he doesn’t want me for me.” She looked up at Gilly. “I feel like a pawn. He didn’t need to be on that mission. Titan could have rescued me fine without him and the only reason he had to go was for the promotion. It’s making me question everything that came after.”
“You’re right, he didn’t have to go,” Gilly said softly. “Doug said Jordan did it because he asked him to. You still would have been rescued, but you would have been left to the care of strangers. Possibly in a hospital without your family. Your mom wanted someone you’d know to be with you and your dad moved the world for your mom. And you. I think Jordan did it for Doug.”
Guilt rushed at her like a linebacker, picked up her heart, and slammed it to the ground in a blitz attack. They hadn’t really talked about what’d happened to her. Her mom and dad been understandably emotional the first few days she’d been home, but they’d never discussed how everything came about. Maybe they’d been content to accept she was home and put everything in the past.
“Shit,” she said. “I think I screwed up.”
“How did you leave things?”
“Not good. He got paged and had to go. A mission, I think.”
