“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” she warned him. “You still have to talk to Bree.”
He nodded and walked down the short hall. He paused outside the bedroom door and took a deep breath. Easing the door open, he entered the darkened room, barely able to make out Bree’s form curled up on the bed. Charlie stood from his position on the floor at the end of the bed. He brushed past Jase and left the room. Polly lifted her head from where it rested on the crook of Bree’s knees and thumped her tail against the bed. Jase closed the door and walked over to her. Polly rose from her spot next to Bree and hopped off the bed.
He gathered Bree in his arms and fit his body close. Her breath shuddered, evidence that she had been crying. He cringed. Shit, he had screwed up.
Her head shifted on the pillow. She stiffened, and he tightened his arms around her. Her silence pained him. He kissed her shoulder.
“I’m sorry for what I said last night. I’d like to explain.” She remained silent and he took it as permission.
“I always knew I wanted to be in the Army. I never expected Tony to follow me. Selfishly, I was glad he did. We went through basic training together. Infantry and Pathfinder school. Finally, Ranger school. I was so proud of Tony. I didn’t think he’d make it through, but he surprised me. Hell, he even pulled me through at times. We both got orders to Savanah with First Battalion. Back-to-back rotations to Iraq, then Afghanistan. We were done. Couldn’t take it anymore.
“We both had PTSD.Have,” he corrected. “For me,have. We dealt with it differently, though. Tony pretty much became a recluse. He’d barely leave the house to go to the store. I bought my house because of the land it sits on. It gave us space. There’s a pond a half mile from the house. We stocked it so we’d have a place to fish without having to go anywhere. He’d go fishing, and when he came back, it was almost like I had my best friend back. It didn’t last long.” He drew in a deep breath, dreading what he had to tell her next.
“I dealt with things the exact opposite. I’d go out every night and get drunk. Bring home a different girl every other night.” She stiffened again. “I’m not proud of how I dealt with things. Or didn’t deal with them. I wanted an escape. A way to drown the anger and the bitterness. I started to resent Tony.” He whispered his horrible admission in her neck. “He always wanted me to hang out with him. Talk about what’d happened. I didn’t. I wanted to forget. Bury it so far down it’d never see the light of day. I started avoiding him. Ignoring his calls.”
He took a deep breath. Moment of truth. He had to get the worst out. The shame. The guilt. She’d hate him when she knew, although she couldn’t possibly hate him more than he hated himself. “The night he killed himself, he called me. I ignored him. I turned my phone off and kept partying. Went home with some chick I couldn’t even pick out of a lineup. I found him the next day. An empty bottle of whiskey and pills next to him. He didn’t leave a note. Just that drawing that’s above my mantle.”
Bree’s breath heaved through her again as her fingers dug into his forearms. She turned her face into his arm and tried to muffle her sob. Tears slid from her face to the skin of his arm. He placed another kiss on her shoulder. Polly climbed back onto the bed in front of Bree and low-crawled over to them. She rested her head on their entwined arms and whined. Jase placed a hand on Polly’s head and rubbed his thumb over the spot above her eye.
“Jase…” Bree said, his name coming out on a broken sob.
“Not yet. Let me finish.”
She nodded. He took another breath and moved his hand back to her arm. “It tore me apart when I realized he’d been calling me at the worst moment of his life and I ignored him. I quit drinking. Quit partying. Started seeing a counselor at the VA and went to group therapy. During one of the sessions, a few of us made plans to go on a camping trip. It was great. One of the first times any of us had really relaxed. Six months later, I started V.E.T. Adventures. I talked to Ms. Carol about it and she helped me get it off the ground.
“I was…okay with my life. I had a routine. Some close friends. I’d go out every now and then to blow off steam, but nothing too crazy. I dated a couple times, but nothing serious.” He held her tighter. “Until that night you walked into The Deck. You laughed, and it fixed something. Like sewing a wound back together. That was the best night I could remember in a long time. When you were gone the next morning, that piece of me ripped apart again. You made me want to be whole again. But you also made me forget.”
She stilled, and he rushed on. “It’s not a bad thing. Or, it shouldn’t be a bad thing. But my guilt wouldn’t let me see that. I saw it as a betrayal to Tony that I didn’t remember. That I was so happy I’d forget for even a moment he wasn’t here to be happy, too. I knew if you stayed last night, I’d forget again, so I lashed out.
“Watching you walk out was a thousand times worse than finding Tony. The thought of not having you in my life shredded me. It ripped apart all the pieces you’d stitched back together without even knowing it. I love you, Bree. I can’t lose you too. It would destroy my world.”
Her body rocked with the force of her sobs. “Bree, shh. Please don’t cry. Darlin’, you’re killing me.”
She turned suddenly and dislodged Polly. She buried her face below his chin and fisted her hands in his shirt. It took only seconds for her tears to soak his shirt. His hands rubbed her back and hair as he tried to calm her. He peppered small kisses along her forehead and cheek. She turned her head and his mouth found hers. He tasted the saltiness of her tears on her lips and pulled back to look at her. Brushing her hair away from her face, he looked into her swollen blue eyes and hated himself just a little bit more.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I’m sorry you lost your best friend.”
“Me too. He would have liked you.”
“I’m sorry you went through that.”
“Me too. I miss him. I hate myself for not being there for him.”
More tears welled in her eyes. One fist unclenched and she rested it on his face, fingers brushing the raw spot on his cheek. Her eyes searched his. “I love you. I’m still scared shitless. You have unimaginable power to hurt me.”
“I promise, Bree. I promise I will do everything I can to never make you feel this way again.”
She nodded and took a deep breath. He kissed her softly. Her mouth opened and her tongue flicked at his bottom lip. He parted his lips and her tongue swept in. He kept the kiss gentle. Languid. A balm for them both. She pulled back, her expression unreadable.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I need to blow my nose.”
