She looked at her salad and pushed it around with her fork. “How do you get past that? How do you go forward when everything you know has been shattered?” She continued poking at her food. “I knew I wanted to work with veterans after I got out. I thought about going into psychology, but I wanted to help heal their bodies. So I decided on physical therapy. It’s not as long as medical school, and I get to work directly with ‘em.”
She looked back at Jase. “I had re-upped during that deployment, so I got as many prereqs out of the way as I could on Uncle Sam’s dime. Used my G.I. Bill for the rest of it when I got out.” She took a bite of salad, chewing without tasting it.
“You like it?”
“I love it. Nothing I’d rather be doing.”
He shifted so he was facing her, his legs spread wide, arms resting on his knees. “Can I ask you something else? About something you said that night.” His gaze was hesitant.
Shit. She didn’t remember half the things she’d said to him, but she swallowed hard and nodded. Polly whined, rose, and lay back down on the blanket next to Bree.
Jase reached over and scratched Polly’s ear. “I’d pretty much come to my senses right after you started, but something you said was like a punch in the gut.”
Her heart stuttered. “Jase—”
“It’s not bad,” he interrupted. “I needed it.” He took a breath and looked at Polly. “You said something about getting a call from your best friend in the middle of the night. Was that Denise?”
She looked down and nodded.
“What happened?”
She shook her head, unable to give him an answer. “It’s not my story to tell,” she said gently. “What I can tell you is this: if someone wants to commit suicide, they’re going to.”
“I just can’t help but think if I had picked up the phone that night…” He looked back toward Tony’s marker.
She set her salad aside and scooted closer so she could touch his face, turning him to look at her. “Don’t do that to yourself. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. Did he leave a message that night?”
He shook his head.
“So you don’t know why he was calling you. You don’t know what ultimately made him choose that path. If it wasn’t that night, it could very well have been the next. Or the next week. You have to remember that he was—is—more than his suicide.”
He gripped her hand, pressing it more firmly against his jaw. “Did you ever think about it?”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. Not in the sense of ‘everything would be better if I were dead.’ It was more…flashes. Seeing myself doing it in my mind. Not really having a conscious thought of killing myself. But it scared me.”
“What did you do?”
“I went to therapy. Talked to a couple of counselors until I found one I liked. She set me up with the program that gave me Polly.”
“I wonder if Tony would have gotten better if he’d had that kind of help.”
“I don’t know. But that’s one of the reasons I helped Denise start Wiggle Butt Rescue. Sprocket’s a therapy dog as well.”
Jase’s eyes widened. “That horse?”
“They come in all shapes and sizes.” She smiled. “So, how long do you plan on romancing me?”
He traced her bottom lip with his thumb, his hazel eyes serious. “Until you trust me again. Emotionally, with your heart.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but he continued. “You were right when you said we were going fast. I didn’t have a plan. Figured we’d ride the ride and see how it played out. I got stupid. Did something to almost jump us off the tracks. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”
“You understand I wouldn’t have shared everything I did if I didn’t trust you, right? I love you.”
He moved fast, catching her off guard. His mouth was heavy, almost brutal in his possession. He took her down to the blanket and pulled her underneath him.
He lifted his head and stared down at her. “I love you, Bree.”
She lifted her head and found his mouth again. Tasting him. Branding him. Possessing him as much as he possessed her. The ringing of his cell phone startled her, and she pulled away with a gasp.
