“My point is; give it time, you’ll figure it out,” I conclude, adding, “And in the meantime, there are plenty of people who can help.”
She shakes her head.“This was my choice, my decision, my responsibility.I couldn’t burden others with it.”
“Who says that’s a burden?When you looked out for my son after school, or brought food to the hospital when Emily was sick, or when Carson was attacked, did that feel like a burden to you?”
“Of course not,” she blusters, clearly annoyed by my question.“But I enjoy helping, I like being useful.”
All I have to do is raise an eyebrow for her to huff a reluctant concession.
“Maybe give others a chance to do the same for you.No, scratch that,” I correct myself, folding her in my arms.“Givemea chance.”
Bess
“Didyou know I slept last night for the first time in weeks?”
Hugo shakes his head and grabs a seat in my mother’s old wing chair across from the couch, where I’m sitting.
I’m not sure what moved me to share that information, except that Ragnar is once again pressed up against me like a warm, living, weighted blanket.Much like he was last night, when he jumped uninvited into my bed and burrowed under my covers with me.
I slept.Boy, did I sleep.
After way too many mornings watching the clock creep slowly toward the time my alarm would go off, I almost slept through the familiar ring this morning.I might have, if not for Ragnar loudly signaling his need to answer the call of nature.
That’s when things started going downhill.
Thank goodness no one is living in the neighboring building, because they would’ve gotten an earful this morning when I tried to leave the dog in my apartment.I had to get downstairs to start baking and had planned to leave him upstairs, but he wasn’t having any of it, barking and howling, so I ended up taking him with me.
It was fine for a while, he kept busy for a bit chewing the marrow from a bone I’d intended to use to make stock.When Lola came in, they made fast friends, and he ended up tagging after her while she got the place ready for customers.
But I couldn’t have him roaming around the coffee shop when we opened the doors at seven, so I tried to keep him contained in the kitchen, which was no mean feat.He would cry and scratch at the door every time I stepped into the shop.The one time I didn’t close the door properly behind me, he got out, excitedly barging into the coffee shop.Fortunately, there were only a few customers, none of whom seemed particularly upset a rambunctious dog jumped up on them in greeting.Still, I apologized profusely while I chased after Ragnar, who wasn’t about to give up his newfound freedom.
My biggest mistake was locking him in the walk-in pantry during the worst of the lunch rush.Most of the supplies in there are either sealed in storage bins or up on shelves.Fridays are always busier than the rest of the week, in part because that’s the day I test out new recipes.Except, with the dog taking up a good chunk of my morning, I never got around to it today.
I thought I’d found the solution, especially when Ragnar stopped whining and scratching after a few minutes.Hopeful he’d curled up and crashed from the morning’s activities, I focused on filling lunch orders.I didn’t discover the silent carnage he wielded inside until we ran out of lids for the take-out cups, and I poked my head in to grab a new box.
As it turns out, the heavy-duty plastic bins are no match for a puppy’s sharp teeth.The entire inside of the closet was covered in flour, rolled oats, and remnants of the almonds he’d managed to get down from the second shelf.
I’d barely even been aware of my audience of one as I relived the events of the day, until Hugo started chuckling.When I look over, I notice his blue eyes sparkling with humor.In hindsight, I guess it is kind of funny, and I find myself cracking a smile, even though the whole experience had me in near tears a little bit ago.
“You always hear parents say you should start worrying when the kids are too quiet.Nobody told me it’s true for dog owners as well,” I observe.
“Learned that the hard way myself,” Hugo commiserates before adding, “Carson mentioned something about someone going nuts in your pantry, but I wasn’t sure who or what until I saw the dog.”
Maybe that’s why he showed up at my door unexpected.
“Is that why you stopped by?”
He jerks his shoulders, a self-conscious grin on his handsome face.“Well, yeah.The kid never clarified the culprit was a dog.”
Once again Hugo came to my rescue, and once again I find my resolve to keep my distance weakening.At the moment I’m so overwhelmed by everything, feel so out of control and scared, I can’t bring myself to resist him.Things don’t seem quite as dire when he’s around.
“So, obviously, Buck managed to convince you.”
I snort at his assumption.“You’d think, wouldn’t you?But no, this one is all on me.I had the misguided idea getting a dog would give me some dependability and predictability in my life.Guess the joke is on me, but at least he makes for a good sleep aid.”
“Predictability would need some work, but dependability is my middle name, and I would’ve been more than happy to help you get to sleep.I’m right here.”
Hugo leans forward, resting one forearm on his knee, while reaching out with the other hand.When he looks at me, his eyebrows pull up and his forehead creases.I don’t know why, but I love those creases.So many times, over the years, I’ve wanted to reach out and smooth my fingertips over them.Same with the crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes.Lines that map the story of his life.A life in which I was a mere spectator on the sidelines.
