“Who am I supposed to believe is responsible, then?” As he opened his mouth to respond, I cut him off. “Oh, wait—I get it. I did all this to myself! I sent DCS pictures of myself so they would think I’m drinking while pregnant! I slashed my own car’s tires! Right? That’s obviously the most logical explanation!” I was breathing fast. My heartbeat felt erratic.
“Savannah, listen to yourself. This is insane. Why would Madison do all these things to you?”
I threw my arms up in frustration. “Think about it, Max!” I was shouting now. “She’s upset and jealous that you and I were together. She thinks I’m going to try to steal you back. She just wants me out of the way so the two of you can raise this baby on your own and be a happy little family without me!”
Max let out a growl of frustration and turned his back on me, walking over to the window and looking out.
When he turned around again, his face held sympathy instead of anger. He walked back toward me and glanced downat my belly. “Savannah, I’m worried about you. You’re so worked up all the time. All this stress isn’t good for the baby—or for you, either.”
I clenched my teeth. “Yes. You’re right, Max. I’m worked up all the time. I’m stressed all the time. I can barely sleep. And it’sall because of Madison.”
“I wish you could see reason, Savannah. Madison loves me, and she loves this child. I know she wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, because that means hurting the baby, which hurts me.”
A bitter laugh exploded from me. “If you believe that, then you really have no idea who your girlfriend truly is.”
Max sighed, looking disappointed. After a pause, he somberly took my hand. “So, what is DCS going to do?”
“Nothing,” I said, trying to sound confident. “Because they’re not going to find anything, Max.”
Max looked into my eyes. When he spoke, it was breathy, almost a whisper. “Do you think you can do this, Savannah? Are you ready to be a mother?”
Taken aback, I stared into his eyes too. “What are you asking me, Max?”
“I mean … it would be completely understandable if you’re feeling scared, and overwhelmed, or … insecure … or like you don’t know what you’re doing.”
I couldn’t tell if he was being empathetic, or if he was trying to determine if Madison was really on to something about me being ill-equipped and ill-prepared.Be careful, I told myself.
“Am I nervous? Sure. Like you said, it’s normal, for all first-time mothers. But I know I can do this. And nothing is more important to me than doing it right.”
He gave a resigned smile. “Well, I’m glad to hear it. I just want to make sure our little one is okay.” He reached out and brushed my belly with the tops of his fingers. Then he immediately snatched his hand away, averting my eyes. He cleared his throat and glanced at the door. “Well, I should get going. See you soon?”
“Goodbye, Max.”
After he left, I returned to my spot on the couch and stared into the distance as I replayed his words in my head.
Do you think you can do this, Savannah? Are you ready to be a mother?
Tears flowed down my cheeks. I let them.
Does everyone doubt me? Does everyone think I’m immature, irresponsible, and incapable?
And more importantly—are they right?
Over the next couple of weeks, I fell into a kind of depressed hibernation. Aside from a visit to Mom’s, I rarely left my apartment except to go to work. Ellie texted me several times, but I put her off, saying I was too tired to hang out. She asked me if I’d heard from Jenna, who hadn’t been answering Ellie’s texts. But I hadn’t spoken to her either.
As August trudged on, hot and dry became the city’s permanent state. Thanks to my ever-growing belly, my body felt like a human greenhouse. I ordered three extra fans from Amazon and placed them strategically around my living room and bedroom. Paired with the occasional San Francisco breeze entering through my half-open windows, it was the closest thing to air conditioning I could get in my pre-War building. My couch was starting to form a lasting imprint of my body in my favorite spot in front of the TV.
It was killing me not knowing what was happening with the DCS investigation or with my credit. I logged into my credit card account regularly to check for progress, but the claims all still said “pending.”
At work, I lived in constant fear that at any moment Meredith would call me into her office and let me go. Miraculously, it hadn’t happened yet. She had been pretty much treating me as though I was invisible, but hey, invisible was better than fired.Like Sam advised, I focused on doing the best work I could for the Sampson account. I made a point to be one of the first people to arrive at the office every morning and one of the last to leave.
One Saturday afternoon, as the city was enjoying a much-needed cooler day, I took a blanket and the latest novel I was reading to Mission Dolores Park and stretched out on the cool grass.
After a few chapters, I decided to hit up an ice cream stand for a cone, and brought it back to my blanket. I started scrolling through social media on my phone when a post caught my eye, knocking the breath out of me.
Madison had captioned yet another blissful photo of her and Max with their arms around each other—and the three-word caption sent me reeling.
“IT’S A BOY!”
