“Of course.” The corners of his lips lift in a small, worried smile as he stands. “Take the time you need, Beta. We’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.”
I nod in understanding, then let myself fall against my pillow.
The sleep may be restful to my body, but it certainly isn’t restful to my mind. I’m pushed and pulled through a series of nightmares that torment my already fragile mind.
I can’t hang on to the details of these dreams before they slip from my fingers and move on to another dream. All I can recall is constantly seeing Rachel look up at me with all that burning hurt and anger in her eyes.
That look stabs me like a knife, over and over again…
Until I’m ripped from my slumber by a piercing scream.
Chapter 35
Rachel
In all of my rage, I don’t go very far.
I’ve only been driving for five minutes before I pull over and park to steady myself.
I can’t pretend it’s safe for me to be driving in this state. And where would I go, anyway? I won’t lie to myself and say I can drive to Gander and book a hotel room, because I’m not going to leave Cayce and Corey behind like that without giving them an explanation.
They deserve better from me.
The heat of humiliation creeps up my neck and into my cheeks. Karan’s entire family likely knows what happened, if they didn’t see it outright. Who knows what they’re going to think of me when I go crawling back to that house?
Whatever. It’s not my problem anymore.
But, it kind of is. I actually give a fuck about these people. Fourteen years entrenched in Karan’s life have allowed me to build unshakable bonds with his family.
Stop it, Rachel.
If I’m to survive the next 24 hours, I can’t start thinking about how much I love Karan’s family. And, for that matter, I can’t keep thinking about how much I still loveKaran.
Oh, God.
I have no idea how long it takes before the nausea and dizziness pass. An hour, maybe? Two? However much time has passed, I’m nowhere close to being in good shape, but at least I’m able to drive.
I’m going to go back to that cabin. I’m going to have a talk with my boys; they don’t need to be privy to all the details, but they do need to understand that I love them so, so much. And that we’re going to see each other at home. Mommy’s only going away for a few days.
Then, I can camp out in Gander in the first vacant hotel room I find until our flight back home.
I keep running that plan over and over in my head when I park in Jocelyne’s driveway and exit the car. But I pause before I head to the door. I still need to think of something to say to the adults in the room. Maybe that I’m sorry, and that I need some space, and that I wish them all a happy new year.
Yeah. That’ll work.
My nerves are frayed by the time I make it to the door and come inside. A quick scan of the main room shows me that everyone except Karan and the twins are staring back at me.
Did he already leave? Did he take his own rental car and chase after me with the boys in tow?
No. He would have seen me parked on the side of the road. Or we would have crossed each other if he left in the last five minutes.
My gaze flits to Martine, who’s busying herself by wiping down the counters.
“Where are Cayce and Corey?” I ask, doing my best to level my tone and appear normal.
As if any of this is normal.
“Oh, sweetie, are you okay?” she asks, not answering my question.
