Both her hands grip me behind my thighs for dear life as I begin to rock into her, slowly at first, still gripping her hair like a madman. I know, deep down, that she’s the one in control; at the first sign of her having too much or at the first hint of a tap on my legs, I’m stopping immediately.
But still…
The firm hold of my fist against her hair. The sounds her mouth is making as she’s looking up at me from her knees. The way I’m slowly able to increase the speed of my hips. I’ve never felt so powerful. So in control.
And she’s the one gifting it to me.
When have I truly been in control? Not when I caved under my parents’ pressure to change jobs. Not when they hounded me over and over again to ask her to marry me, despite me knowing she didn’t particularly care about the idea of marriage.
Even falling in love with Rachel, this sweet angel, was completely out of my control.
“Oh, fuck… You good, baby?” I grunt to her, picking up speed.
She simply nods and moans against me, bringing me over the edge instantly.
White-hot flames set me ablaze, from my toes to my center, as I finally spill into her, my hips jerking involuntarily. The relief of it takes my breath away, and only when Rachel is back on her feet with her head against my chest do I remember where I am.
At Rachel’s short gasp, I remember I have legs, as shaky as they may be. My wife is partially holding me up, and at my height and weight, there’s no way she can keep that up for very long.
“Baby,” I whisper, stroking the side of her face and pulling her wet hair behind her hair. “Are you okay?”
She smiles up at me, looking sated, though I’m the one who just got off, not her. “Never better.”
“Fuck, Rachel. You took me so well.”
The image of her—and the way her mouth felt at every thrust of my hips—is going to be forever seared in my brain.
“It’s a good thing you gave in, huh?” She drops soft kisses on my chest. “See what happens when you listen to me?”
“You’re right.” I kiss her forehead and close my eyes.
The last five minutes keep replaying in my brain, and I’m still struggling to catch my breath. It’s not only about how good she made me feel, but about how freeing, how life-changing it was to hold that sense of control, for once.
For the first time in my life, I begin to think Rachel may be right about more than I gave her credit for.
Chapter 31
Rachel
Karan spends the rest of our shower in a daze, which, if I had to guess, would be my fault. I’m no stranger to giving my husband blowjobs, but what I let him do to me tonight was new.
And it’s obvious that he very much loved it.
Hearing him moan with pleasure, and feeling the tremors in his body, gave me a high that I haven’t had in a very long time. I’m not sure where the desire to give him this experience came from, but tonight, I’m at peace.
I let that peace sustain me as I wash his hair and he washes mine, as he gently cleans me up with a washcloth and I do the same.
By the time we’re both squeaky clean, neither of us has any energy left to do anything but collapse into the cushy king-sized bed in the loft. Karan turns on his side to face me, and I curl intohim, breathing in the scent that’s as familiar to me as the scent of the seasons.
How could I ever truly walk away?
Karan was right earlier today. There’s no way I could leave without trying. Not if he’s willing to show up and try with me.
I’m so tired, God am I so damn tired, but I’m not done.
And when I’m nestled against him, my leg over his hip, the heat of his body keeping me warm, I’m only reminded of everything I have to lose.
“I love you,” I whisper against his chest.
