“It’s about more than that, isn’t it? This whole charade, this whole forcing yourself to be something you’re not with this stupid job… don’t tell me you’re doing it only for us. You’re doing this to impress your parents.”
The last word comes out like poison.
“Of course I am!” The words come out much louder than I intend them to. “Yes, that’s part of it, and what’s wrong with that? Are you going to fault me for wanting my parents to be proud of me, Rach? Really?”
Shut up, Karan. Don’t go too far.
“Yes, I’m going to fault you for that if it comes at the expense ofourfamily.” She’s seething now. “The boys miss you.Imiss you. All so you can go on some crusade to get approval from mommy and daddy, really?”
“You don’t get it.”
Don’t say it. Don’t say it.
“Maybe it was easy for you to scrub your parents out of your life, but I’m not built like that.”
Regret clings to me like a growing vine on my spine as soon as the words are out in the open. Shock registers on Rachel’s face, and for the first time since this argument started, she’s silent.
“Shit.” I drop my head in my hands, leaning my elbows against the table. “Rachel, I’m sorry.”
“That,” she starts, her voice fragile like glass, “was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”
“I know. I didn’t mean it.” I raise my eyes to get a glimpse of her, expecting seething fury.
What I see is so much worse.
Her shoulders slump like they’re carrying a weight too heavy to bear. The faintest tremor runs through her fingers as she rubs at her temples, her eyes rimmed red and glassy, like she hasn’t slept in days.
“And you know what?” she asks with a shrug. “I’m beginning to think that this…” She gestures to me and then back to her. “Whatever this has become is going to be even harder. I’m tired of fighting you and trying to convince you to spend time with me or the boys. It’s breaking my heart every time you decide not to choose us. Choose me.”
She looks straight through me, her chin wobbling.
“And so maybe, at this point, the easier choice would be for me to leave.”
I stand as if stuck by lightning, Rachel flinching from the motion. Every muscle in my body is tensed up, ready to pounce.
“I don’t believe you.”
I amnotlosing her.
It’s Rachel’s turn to stand. “I said no bullshit, remember? I mean every word, Karan. It would beso much easierfor me to just give up on us!”
She’s not serious. Letting go of everything we’ve built… of the love that I know still blooms in her heart for me, because she wouldn’t be here if it weren’t the case… it wouldn’t be that easy.
“No, Rachel. I don’t believe it—not one bit. The two of us, you can’t just pull out these roots that easily. You can’t snuff out our love like it means nothing.”
Her eyes go narrow with defiance. “Watch me.”
And she begins to turn, away from the table, away from me, and…
A possessive hunger takes over me all at once; as if driven by an otherworldly force, I close the space between us in a single stride and grab her wrist.
“No.”
She turns to face me, and everything else falls away. A roaring tidal wave swallows everything in its path, leaving only the uncontrollable love I have for this woman.
My wife.
Her pupils are blown. I may be much, much bigger than she is, but not an ounce of fear floats in her eyes. She knows I would never, ever hurt her.
