“Oh yeah, you have to see this, Mommy!” Corey chimes in.
“See what?” I remove my coat and bend over to untie my boots, and feel my breath leave my lungs as soon as I stand back up.
Karan stands in the hallway, one shoulder leaning against the wall. A shy smile I don’t recognize sits on his face, but that’s not all I don’t recognize. The long locks he’s so proud of, that he loves to put back in a bun, are gone. Instead, his hair is now about two inches long and combed back.
“Look at Daddy’s hair!” Cayce says, pointing to his father.
Corey imitates his brother, but right now, all my attention is on their father.
“Karan…”
Nothing else will come out of my throat.
“Not my favourite,” he starts, weaving a hand through his now shortened hair, “but you’ve got to admit it makes me look a bit more… distinguished?”
“But… you loved your hair.” I manage to take a step forward, then mentally curse myself.
Be supportive.
“You do look great, Karan.”
“I did love it.” He closes the distance between us, enveloping me in his arms and kissing my forehead while the boys attach themselves to his feet and squeal. “But I thought this would make me look more professional. It’ll grow back, so it’s okay.”
“What for?”
He swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob.
“I’m applying for a new job.”
“What?” My stomach lurches. “But you love your job!”
“I know.” He kisses my forehead again. “Listen, I was just waiting for you to come home, but I’m meeting Will downtown.”
“Why?”
“He’s going to go over my resume to improve my chances.”
“But—”
“I really gotta go. I’ll explain it all later.” He peers down at his feet. “Okay, boys, stay with your mom. I need to go.”
“Boo!” both twins cry out as they’re forced to let go of their father’s legs.
I watch Karan put on his jacket and boots, still trying to make sense of everything he’s dumped on me. I barely register his goodbye before he shuts the door.
The only time Karan ever thought of changing jobs was the day we both found out I was pregnant. And back then, he hadn’t been thinking of changingjobs, really. He’d been thinking of finally pursuing his own thing. It was only a mishap of circumstances that I happened to get pregnant at the same time.
I’ve been patiently waiting for him to show interest in such a project again. The boys are starting kindergarten next year, and things have been much easier since they’ve slowly grown out of toddlerhood. If we wanted to, we’d have the resources for him to go for it.
But he hasn’t brought that conversation back.
For a while, I thought it was because of Martine’s cancer. Of course, it didn’t make sense to start a company while his mother was undergoing treatment and frequently needed us to travel to Val-d’Or to give them a hand.
But she’s getting so much better now. The cancer is shrinking. She’s responding well.
Things ought to get better from now on, no?
So why this sudden change? This desire to appear more “professional?” If anything, he’s moving away from his dream.
