Pause.
“No, it’s not up for discussion. Goodbye.”
He hangs up.
“Did you just…” My mouth hangs open.
“Yeah.” Karan sighs. “I quit that job you hate so much.”
Those words should fill me with elation. Instead, my heart only sinks further at Karan’s tone.
He places a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
I don’t know what I expected when we’re all back home. Maybe I’d expected Karan to open up at least a little more, now that we’re back in our own things, in the comfort of the familiar.
But that’s not what happens.
The day after we come back, Will and Sophie bring their whole family over for dinner when they drop off Océane. Sophie insists they’ll supply the food, since we’ll be weary from our travels.
But when she walks into our condo with a lasagna in her arms, I’m sick to my stomach.
I don’t let it show, and instead greet my friend and my siblings with a wide smile and open arms.
Karan stays quiet when he helps me find the folding chairs to accommodate all ten of us. At dinner, he makes an effort to chat and even laugh at some of Will’s jokes, but I see right through him.
While I’m able to make an effort and eat some of Sophie’s lasagna—which is actually delicious, despite how the idea of it turns my stomach—my husband barely touches his plate.
After dinner, Karan and Will bring the five kids to play in the living room to give Sophie and me some space to do the dishes. We’re barely alone for a second before Océane walks into the kitchen and lets herself fall onto a chair.
“Okay, Rachel, what’s going on with Karan?” she whispers while I grab a drying rag and Sophie turns on the hot water.
Sophie arches an eyebrow and looks over at me. “So I’m not the only one who noticed.”
“You’d have to not know Karan at all not to notice something’s off about him,” Océane adds.
I sigh. The truth is, I don’t want there to be something wrong. That pesky guilt still gnaws at my insides. If it wasn’t for the way I melted down, Karan wouldn’t have had to stand up for me. He wouldn’t have had to make the gut-wrenching decision to confront his parents.
Then again, we wouldn’t be together, either.
So, as Sophie and I do the dishes and Océane listens on, I catch them up on everything that happened. Sophie’s face twists into a permanent scowl. And Océane, who is no stranger to toxic behaviour from parents, still appears shocked at how it all went down.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be here,” she whispers, placing a hand on her mouth, her green eyes wide.
“What do you mean?” I pause with my hands on a wet plate.
“Rachel.” My sister rubs her forehead, as if she’s exasperated with me. “He’s going to need you to be there for him as much as possible. I’m only going to be in the way.”
But you need me,I almost say until I force myself to interrupt the thoughts coalesce in my mind.
Océane is right about one thing.
Karan needs me. More than ever.
Of course he’s not doing okay. Who would under these circumstances?
When I thought he would never understand what I needed from him, he finally came through. He chose me.
The least I owe him is the same courtesy.
