I break the comfortable silence. “Where did Karan go with the kids?”
Rachel gives me a crooked smile. “I shooed them away. I thought it would be good to just be the three of us for a little while.” She looks back at Océane with a knowing smile, and my youngest sister puts her book down. Her expression is now serious—and directed at me.
“Oh.” My stomach sinks. I know what they’re trying to do. After we had our big conversation last week and I’d wrapped up the day with my appointment with Dr. Cheng, I told them everything that happened with Sophie.
So now they’re going to play big sisters, even though I’m the oldest, and give me a pep talk or something like that. I’m usually up for it. There’s nothing I can’t say to Rachel, and I’m sure Océane will happily support me through this because that’s just who she is. But part of me feels like this should be mine to bear alone.
I’ve walked straight into this hell. Worse; I’ve paved my way here.
“So …” Rachel pours some pasta into a pot of boiling water and gives me the side eye. “Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind, or are we going to have to pry it out of you?”
“The pry it out thing.”
She rolls her eyes. Behind us, Océane chortles. “Why do you have to make this hard?” my baby sister giggles. “You know she’s going to get it out of you anyway.”
“Exactly,” Rachel continues. “So why not just come out with it?”
I sigh. My hands pause the veggie chopping. “Can we just … cook in silence while I wallow in my misery?”
“Absolutely not.” Rachel pulls the knife from my hand and I cry out in protest. “We are talking this out, William. Don’t be so immature.”
“You could have just cut yourself! Or me!” I gesture at the knife she’s now holding. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“With her?” Océane screeches out, just as Rachel touches her chest in feigned indignation. “Are you serious?”
“What?”
Rachel rolls her eyes again. “Oh my God. You’re such a guy. Seriously.” She sets the knife on the counter and points to the kitchen table, where Océane now sits with her arms crossed. “Sit.”
“But—”
“I said,sit.”
“Fine. Geez.” It’s my turn to roll my eyes as I obey Rachel, dropping into the faux leather-covered kitchen chair next to Océane. Crossing my arms, I alternate my gaze between the two of them. “Happy?”
Rachel leans against the table and glares at me. “Not yet.” A strand of hair falls in front of her face. With the tomato stains on her apron and that fiery look in her eyes, she appears slightly deranged. It’s intimidating enough that I’m tempted to spill everything. “Now. I was under the impression that the kind, fun, beautiful woman you brought over to my house the other night was the woman of your dreams.”
I frown. “She is.”
Océane scoffs. Rachel cocks her head sideways. “Oh, really? So why are you acting like a little bitch?”
My eyes go wide. “Excuse me?” Rachel has never spoken to me like this.
“You’re just going to come here and wallow and not do anything about it?”
“She said she needed space.”
“Oh, bullshit,” both sisters exclaim. Rachel shakes her head and continues, “She’s had space. That woman doesn’t need space, Will. She needs to feel safe in choosing you. You need to help her feel safe.”
“What?” I don’t know what to think of all this. All I know is my heart is about to burst out of my chest.
“Listen.” Rachel narrows her eyes. “If you’re going to get her back, you can’t keep your thoughts in that brain of yours, brother. You can’t just wallow and wait it out.” She slaps one hand against the table, making me jump. “Talk to us, for fuck’s sake. Help us help you figure this out.”
Tension coils within me, starting as a tightness in my chest and spreading to my clenched fists and rigid shoulders. My jaw aches from being tightly set, and a hot wave of frustrationwashes over me, making my pulse quicken. The pressure builds until it feels unbearable, like a volcano ready to erupt.
“I fucked up, okay?” I finally cry out, slamming my fist down on the table.
Océane’s hand strokes my back. She shouldn’t be the one trying to make me feel better. I’ve yet to earn it. Pins and needles prickle my skin. When neither sister pipes up, the words come tumbling out. “I didn’t just fuck up once. I’ve been fucking up for the past ten years. Jumping from one relationship to the next, never satisfied, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind me …” A knot forms in my throat. “That behaviour has come back to bite me in the ass now. I can tell Sophie that I love her and only her until my voice gives out, but … actions speak louder than words, and my actions have been mostly shit for too long.”
