Rachel rolls her eyes. “Okay, this is me levelling with you here … How long have you been feeling whatever you’re feeling, then?”
“Ten years.”
“Okay,” she continues. “So … if I were you, I wouldn’t rush anything.” She pierces me with her green eyes. “Don’t push her. Don’t fuck this up. Just be what she needs right now, without asking for anything more. Be patient. And with time … she’ll learn to trust you.” She squints at me. “Oh, and I hope this goes without saying, but don’t go fucking other girls in the meantime, even if you’re not getting any from her.” Her lips curl in a lopsided grin.
I roll my eyes. “You think so highly of me.” But silently, I absorb every word she’s just said, letting them roll over the ridges of my brain.
I can do that. I can be what she needs me to be. Rachel is right; I’ve already waited ten years. If I need to wait ten more for her to be comfortable and learn to trust me, so be it.
And if she can never bring herself to trust me, at least she’ll be in my life. Because this last year spent without her was hell. I never want to return there again.
By the time I wake up the next morning, Karan and the twins are gone. There’s rustling in the kitchen, so I step inside, eyes still puffy from sleep. Rachel has her back to me, her long chestnut hair tied back into a loose braid, her hands scrubbing at something in the sink.
I grab myself a cup of coffee from the half-full carafe and take a seat at the kitchen table without saying a word. I know there’s no use. She’ll come to me when she’s ready. And I know that me being here is already better than her being alone.
It takes a good ten minutes—and a third of my cup of coffee—until Rachel stops scrubbing. She doesn’t turn around. “Océane should be here.”
My heart lurches. “I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t want to be reminded of Mom’s existence at all.”
Rachel’s palm grips the counter. “Maybe. I just …”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Rachel owes nothing to anyone. She’s the one who stepped up. She stepped up for her sister. She stepped up as a mom and wife. And whenever I’ve wanted to talk about Sophie, she’s stepped up for me, too.
Finally, she turns. Her face is streaked with tears. “It’s not fair,” she whimpers.
I bolt from my chair and waltz to my sister, gathering her in my arms. “I know.”
She returns the embrace and grips my back in a desperate hold. “We got a real childhood. She didn’t. And now my boys won’t get to know their grandparents because …” Her voice breaks into a sob.
I hold her quietly as she cries against my chest. She’s right. It isn’t fair that Océane couldn’t feel safe in the same home that nurtured Rachel and me. If I’d stepped up earlier, joined Rachel against my parents, maybe things could have turned out differently. Maybe they would have listened and cut Océane some slack.
But I was complicit in my silence.
This is my fault,I think to myself as I hold Rachel. I have to make amends. This is just the beginning.
CHAPTER 21
SOPHIE
“How would you girls like to go to the big park on the Plateau?” I ask my daughters as they’re finishing up their bowls of soup. They’ve been back home since Friday morning, and because I spent most of yesterday catching up on work, they deserve my full attention today.
Both girls perk up. They love that particular park, but I rarely take them all the way there because parking is a hassle. Bringing all three kids on the metro is even more so.
“Can we go for hot chocolate after?” Gwen asks, her pleading tone making my heart melt.
Is hot chocolate the best thing for two girls who just recovered from a bout of sickness? No. Is life too short and not filled with enough chocolate to miss out on such a request? Absolutely.
The rest of our Sunday afternoon begins mapping itself out in my brain. I think about Tania, whom I haven’t seen in ages. I miss her. I’m feeling a bit hesitant to text her since it never seems to work out when I want to hang out while I have the girls.
But we’ll never see each other if I don’t try. This could be another olive branch.
While the girls are finishing up their last spoonfuls of soup, I text Tania.
Sophie
Hey, what are you up to this afternoon?
A few seconds later, her response pops up on the screen.
