He takes another step, and now he’s close enough for me to touch. I can feel the warmth emanating from him. His scent. I take a deep inhale, unable to help myself.
God, all I want is to bury my face in his chest.
But I can’t. I’m not done yet. I’ve still got a lot of shit to figure out. And I don’t want to hurt him again.
“But you know what?” Another step. Our bodies are touching now. The contact sends a tingle all the way from my chest to my toes. I have to tilt my head up to look at him. He pulls a loose lock of hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear, and I shiver.
“I would rather you go through all of that shit with me.”
I close my eyes. “Logan …”
Why am I unable to say anything except his name?
He presses a finger against my lips. “If you’re going to say you don’t want to hurt me, I don’t want to hear it. I can take responsibility for my own feelings, Avery. I’m a big boy. So I don’t care how messed up you think you are. Hell, I’m a mess, too. And I think we’re both smart enough to work through it. Together.”
A thousand words want to come out of my mouth at once. He cups the side of my face and continues before I can speak; it’s like he can read my mind. “Look, we tried your way. And I can’t say for certain that this is how you feel, but I’m going to speak for myself.” His thumb brushes my cheek ever so softly, and I shiver again. “It sucked, okay? I fucking hated it. I want to figure my shit out with you by my side. And …”
For the first time, his gaze falters, and I can see a hint of fear pass through his eyes. “And if you don’t feel the same as I do … if being alone for the past few weeks truly has been working out for you, and you’d rather continue that way …” His eyes finally meet mine again. They’re looking straight into me. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me that, then I’ll leave you alone. I’ll go my own way and I’ll respect your decision. I promise you that.” His hand caressing the side of my face is so tender. “But something tells me that this hasn’t been the case. And I don’t want you to lie just because you think you’re protecting me. So tell me the truth, Avery.”
For a moment, we only look at each other. Time is standing still. I’m holding my breath as a million thoughts race through my head.
I want to run away. And I know he can see this. He can see I’m scared, that I think I’m going to mess it all up and do something to hurt him again.
It would be the easy way out. All I’d have to do is back away. Tell him no. Tell him I’m too broken for this to work. That the past few weeks have been fine, thank you very much.
But it would be a lie.
And what if he’s right? Maybe it’s not such a big deal if I haven’t taken all the time alone I need. And what if I never feel ready? What if that time never comes? What else am I going to wait for?
Am I going to wait until he gets tired of waiting? Until someone else finally discovers this gem of a man and claims him for herself?
Absolutely not.
I don’t speak; instead, I tilt my head up, and our lips meet.
He sighs against my mouth, and I do the same. Instantly, his arms are behind my back, scooping me closer, and I allow myself to do what I’ve truly been craving ever since we said our goodbyes. I melt into him, weave my hands into his hair, inhale his scent, and gasp against his mouth.
“I love you,” he sighs, breaking the kiss long enough to whisper those three small words that I know he means with all his heart.
“I love you, too,” I whisper back. “You’re right. You’re completely right. It sucked. Maybe there’s something to be said about learning how to be alone and feeling satisfied as your own person, but right now, I don’t care. I missed you too much.”
“God, I missed you too, Avery. Let’s not do this again.”
I laugh, our mouths still touching. “But where are we going to live? And your work? What about?—”
“We’ll figure it out.” He scoops the back of my head and entwines his fingers in my hair underneath my messy bun, threatening to unravel it the way he has unravelled me. “I don’t care where we go or what I do. I just want you along with me.”
I press my forehead against his and close my eyes. “Me, too.”
Epilogue
“Coffee?” Logan’s voice brings me back down to Earth. I was so lost in thought that I’m not even seeing my laptop anymore. I blink a few times and look away from my screen to see him standing in front of me.
I can’t help but chuckle. He’s dressed exactly like a tourist would be, Hawaiian shirt and everything. But he seems so laid back and at ease that I don’t even care. Besides, I don’t think we’re leaving the villa today.
The villa we’re staying in at the heart of Ubud, Bali, isn’t the most impressive thing in the world. It doesn’t have the infinity pool you see in all the cool photos, and it’s not facing the ocean like my cabin was in Cape Breton a year ago. But it’s cozy, it’s clean, and right now, it feels like home. And if that isn’t enough, nothing will ever be.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the gaudiness of your shirt,” I say, still laughing.
