My heart starts pumping faster; this is good. This whole month, I haven’t done any prospecting for myself, which means I have no more income lined up after the Panchakarma retreat project is done. And I haven’t even given myself permission to worry about that just yet, so this is such a relief.
I open the email and read it over. It’s from a man named Matt, who apparently heard about me from a past client of mine. He’s interested in getting on a call with me at ‘my earliest convenience’ to discuss the relaunching of the website for his software company.Perfect.I type back a response and give him some availability for the next few days, then dive straight back into my copywriting work for my current project.
Knowing there’s a high likelihood of a new gig awaiting me does ease some of the stress of whatever comes after thisworkation. If I can get this gig, it’ll give me a cushion to pay my bills and afford some food while I work on securing more business in the upcoming months.
But I still don’t know if I’ll be doing it all alone or if Logan is part of that future.
After an hour of working, I look back at everything I’ve written and wince. It’s shit. I’ve been too distracted by wondering why I haven’t heard back from Logan yet, and I just can’t get in the flow. And Leslie has made it very clear that she expects the rest of the website to be on par with what I’ve delivered already. I can’t achieve that level of quality without getting back into flow.
I sigh and close my laptop. It’s no use. I’ve only got a bit of work left to do to complete the website, and it’s definitely not happening today. At least, not until I hear back from Logan and know he’s okay. That we’re okay.
The last time I had doubts, Sophie talked me out of it. So that’s what I need right now. A pep talk from Sophie. She’ll help me remember that this isn’t a big deal.
I put my laptop away inside and go sit on my patio again before dialling Sophie’s number. Hopefully, the baby isn’t napping, or at least, she’s kept her phone on vibrate. I begin to wonder if I’ve made a mistake just as Sophie picks up.
“Hey!” she greets me. “Perfect timing. I’m nursing, so I needed to pass the time.”
“Oh, well, that’s just perfect, because I need to rant again and have your sage advice to stop me from spiralling.”
“That’s what I’m here for. What’s up?”
I take a deep breath. “I think I fucked up yesterday. And now Logan left without waking me up and hasn’t responded to my texts or calls.”
“Dude, that’s rude. He’s straight up ghosting you?”
“Yeah. Either that, or he’s busy.” Or in trouble. But my gut tells me that’s not it.
“Geez, what did you say to him? Did you actually fuck up, or are you being too hard on yourself again?”
I sigh. “That’s why I’m calling you. I was hoping you could tell me.” I then tell her about our hike at the Skyline Trailhead and detail our conversation.
“Hmm,” Sophie mutters.
“What?” Something about her tone is weird.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she starts. “And don’t get me wrong, what he’s doing right now is wrong. It’s a complete overreaction. It’s immature, and it’s also not fair. Actually, it’s unacceptable from a grown-ass adult. So he’s being an idiot.”
I sense a ‘but’ coming, so I grit my teeth in anticipation.
“But I’ve noticed you tend to do this often, Avery. And sometimes, it can kinda be a lot…”My stomach twists. “Do what?”
I hear her sigh on the other end of the line. “Based on what you just told me, he clearly said he had shit to deal with, and it seemed pretty obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it. He’s not ready. Even if you might feel like he should be, he’s giving you all the signs that he isn’t. And yet you kept pushing.”
“I just want to help him through it,” I argue. I can feel tension rise in my chest and through my fingertips. “How is that too much?” I try to keep control of my tone, but my voice is slowly rising.
“I said not to take it the wrong way,” Sophie retorts. She sounds annoyed. “And I’m the one who’s trying to help you right now. That’s what you wanted, right?”
“And I’m trying to understand how it’s too much.”How I’m too much.“You were the one who said it was obvious he was in love with me. So if that’s really true, why won’t he accept my help?”
“That’s the thing,” Sophie says, sounding exasperated. “You’re making a false assumption. He can be in love with youandwant to be left alone with this issue. For crying out loud, Avery—you always do this.”
“What are you talking about?” My pulse quickens, my breaths getting shorter and faster.
“You always assume it’s your job to save people. It’s not. I know it’s hard, and I know the anxiety makes it harder, but seriously, just stop pushing so hard. Let things happen.”
I’m about to boil over. “When have I done this?”
“You tried to do it with your mom when your dad left. You tried to do it with me when Matthew was coming on too hard right before we started dating. Sometimes all you need to do is be there for people instead of pushing to save them. I can even bet you’re thinking of doing the same with your dad right now.”
