There’s no use trying to get into flow today. I could already tell from the moment I placed my fingers on the keyboard. It didn’t stop me from trying for a good two hours, but here I am regardless.
After Logan came back to the table, his mood had very clearly shifted. He was no longer wearing the dark look from before, but gone was the excitement, the lightness, the care. He just seemed … tired. And I didn’t dare ask him what the phone call had been about. I couldn’t bring myself to, even though I wanted to know more than anything else at that moment.
So we finished our meals without much else to say. At least, I finished my meal. Logan hardly touched his. Then he drove me back to my cabin, saying he’d be calling it a night. He felt queasy, he’d said.
Of course, this being Logan, he was apologetic and sweet about it. And he didn’t leave before kissing me goodnight and leaving me wanting for more. Still, I can’t stop thinking about the way his entire face changed when he saw who was on the other end of that phone call.
A million scenarios swim through my mind. An ex-girlfriend come to haunt me. His doctor letting him know he has cancer. A loan shark calling in his debt under threat of breaking both his legs and killing his new girlfriend while at it.
This is stupid. The ex-girlfriend is the most plausible, but even then, Logan has given me nothing to make me believe I should be worried. And unless he lied to me, he did say he hasn’t really gotten close to anybody, so even that scenario isn’t so likely. Whatever it is, he’s not ready to talk about it.
But the possibilities weigh on my chest. After all, if it was just something silly, couldn’t he have let it go to voicemail while we enjoyed our date? No—whatever it was, it was serious enough to interrupt the perfect moment we’d been having.
Unless he didn’t perceive that moment the same way I did. After all, if he truly cares about me as much as I care about him, wouldn’t he want to tell me about whatever is going on? Wouldn’t he want to confide in me and ask for my support? Wouldn’t he want me to stand by him as he deals with whatever is on the other end of that line?
I know I would. If I received a devastating phone call, the first thing I would want to do is cry on his shoulder.
It’s dizzying to realize how deep these feelings for Logan go. Even now as I’m staring out at the sea, my entire body aches for him.
I’m pulled from the innards of my thoughts by a voice that’s calling my name. I stand and turn towards the short cliff where my cabin stands, and there she is—Sophie. Tall and elegant, waving at me from afar with baby Heather strapped to her chest.
Warmth and relief flood through me at the sight of her. I run back towards the cliff, already silently thanking her for making the trek all the way to Cape Breton just to speak to her crazy best friend, because what I need more than anything right now is a friend. And not one who’ll sweep me off my feet and make me cry out their name in the dark.
“Holy shit!” she screams at me as I’m making my way up the wooden stairs that lead up the cliff. “This place is sick! Just look at this view!”
“I know, right?” I’m about to hug her, but with Heather in the baby holder, I’m not too sure how to proceed. Sophie laughs and pulls me in a hug anyway, careful not to squeeze Heather too tightly in between us.
“This better be inspiring for you,” she laughs in my ear. “Otherwise, I’d say you’re pretty much doomed.” We break apart, and Sophie takes a good look at me. “Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but you certainly don’t look inspired.”
“I’ve had a weird day,” I explain. And a weird night. I kept waking up after the same nightmare, over and over again. It was of Logan drowning after falling from that stupid Zodiac. Every time, there was nothing I could do but watch helplessly as the waves overtook him.
So, no, I don’t look my best this morning. I don’t own the type of makeup Sophie has, the type that would hide these dark shadows under my eyes. I also haven’t taken the time to change from my flannel shorts and stained T-shirt I used as pyjamas.
Sophie, on the other hand, is positively radiant. You can hardly tell she’s been wrangling an infant or just got off a last-minute flight. Picture a supermom in your mind, and that’s Sophie. “I met your guy, by the way,” she tells me as we’re walking back to my cabin.
My insides clench. I hadn’t even thought about my two best friends meeting. And without me there? I hope it wasn’t a disaster. “Oh,” I simply say, afraid to ask how it was.
But of course, Sophie goes on. “He’s super cute. And also not too tall for you.” Sophie is, in fact, taller than Logan. Not that I mind. “I can definitely see the appeal. So how was it?”
I flush at the memory of the two of us entangled in my bed. But it’s immediately overshadowed by last night. How weird he acted. And how I’m still not sure what to think of it. “It made me realize how much Jasper and I were actually kind of incompatible,” I explain. Even though the words are there, my tone is off, and I know Sophie will sniff me out.
“But?”
“But he’s being really weird, Soph.”
“Weird how?”
I recount the events at dinner last night as we both sit at the picnic table just outside my cabin. Sophie nods along as she takes her daughter out of the baby carrier and starts breastfeeding her.
“Okay, yeah, I can see why this would make you worried,” Sophie starts, “but honestly, Avery? It could be a myriad of things. And even if he cares a ton about you, you can’t assume he’ll want to spill his guts on all the shit that might be going on in his life right now. He’s a guy. You know how closed-off guys can be.”
I grunt in response.
“Take Matthew, for instance.” Sophie pauses to adjust Heather’s position at her chest, then sighs. Did I just see her roll her eyes? “If I didn’t constantly ask, I would never know what’s bothering him. Like, I know we’ve had a baby not so long ago, but if I hadn’t asked him what was up, I don’t know if we would have slept together since I gave birth.”
“So what was up?”
Sophie opens her mouth, then smirks at me. “Oh, no you don’t. This isn’t about me. I’ll rant about Matthew later.” Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes at her. “Anyway, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it. Whatever Logan’s going through right now, it probably has nothing to do with you.” She suddenly jerks her head to look at me intently. “Oh, by the way, I invited him out to lunch, just the three of us!”
