“Apparently.” I take a deep breath, then shake my head to bring myself back to the moment. “But more on that later. Right now I’m mostly interested in what’s in that bag.”
I quickly get dressed while Logan takes the food out of the bag to place everything on the table. He brought back a chocolate croissant, two breakfast sandwiches, a chocolate chip muffin, and a few apples in addition to the two cups of coffee.
What did I do to deserve this man?
I nearly throw myself towards the table once I’m fully dressed. Without waiting for permission or politeness, I grab the chocolate croissant and scarf it down, taking gulps of coffee in between. Logan just eats one of the breakfast sandwiches and watches me swallow my meal, slightly amused.
I barely talk during breakfast and end up eating the remaining breakfast sandwiches, the muffin, and one of the apples before I’m satisfied. Afterwards, I open the curtains and sip on my coffee. I take a moment to breathe before I allow myself to think about everything that just happened in the last twenty-four hours.
Outside, I can see the ocean and its waves crashing against the rocky beach like it does every day. I channel the sound of the waves to calm my nerves and gather the courage I need for what comes next.
“So, what is this?” I finally manage to say. Logan bites into the last apple and stops mid-bite. When he hums in confusion, I quickly gesture between the two of us. “This. Us. What is this? And what’s next?” Asking the question makes the end of my fingertips go numb with anxiety. I love what’s happening between us, even if it scares the shit out of me. But I have too many questions.
For one … How serious was Logan when he made his confession last night?
I want you back in my life. I want what I’ve been secretly hoping was possible for the last seventeen years. I want what I thought I could never have. But I don’t know if that’s what you want.
It sounded pretty clear when he said it, but he didn’t explicitly say he wanted me in the same way I want him. Because I don’t just want what we had last night. I, too, want Logan back in my life—and not just as a friend.
I want to wake up next to him every morning. I want to share everything with him. I can already imagine what it would be like to work side by side—him programming, me writing for a client.
But I can’t tell him that—not yet. That’s going to freak him out. So I need to know what he’s expecting, what he really wants. Because right now, we don’t even live in the same place.
Logan swallows his bite of apple and gives me a teasing smile. “I guess we’re going to have to figure that out, huh,” he says in a teasing tone.
“I know this probably isn’t your idea of sexy post-coital pillow talk,” I start, “but I just … you know me. I don’t deal super well with uncertainties.” He nods, waiting for me to continue. “For instance, what’s next for you after your summer working here is done? Headed back to San Francisco?”
Suddenly, his carefree smile is gone. He’s got a slight frown. So I guess he’s worried about the future, too. We’ve really opened up a can of worms by doing what we did last night. And again this morning. “It’s okay if you are,” I start, hoping I’m not giving him the wrong impression. “I’m open to discussing … you know. What that would look like. I just need to know we’re on the same page.”
“Yeah, it makes sense. We’ll figure it out,” he says, almost ending the sentence like a question. He turns his gaze to look outside. He’s clearly got his mind on something.
“Well … yeah. That’s what I’m trying to do.” I try not to sound annoyed, but I think it goes through anyway. “So … Are you going back there in the fall or not?”
“I don’t know,” he sighs. He’s still not looking at me.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” His response weighs on my chest. I have no idea where this worry is coming from. Minutes ago, he was carefree, looking as happy as can be. There was so much love in his eyes that I thought I was going to overdose on it.
What’s going through his mind?
Maybe he regrets what we did. I feel a pit in my stomach. He never explicitly told me what he wanted. Maybe I got it all wrong.
“I mean, I don’t know yet,” he replies, exasperated. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m just a bit tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” He looks at my chest and shoots me a playful smile. He’s back. “Got distracted by a few things.”
“Oh. Okay.” I’m a bit relieved his good mood is back. He’s just tired. That’s probably all it was. “So, you’re actually considering working elsewhere? Are they going to let you work from home or something?”
Logan looks at his phone. “Actually, Avery,” he starts as he gets up from his chair, “can we continue this conversation another time? As much as I’d love to laze around all day and go back to bed with you …” He leans to kiss me. I savour as much of it as I can before he pulls away. “I need to go to work. I promise we can continue this soon, okay?”
“Oh. Right.” For a moment, I’d forgotten he works here. And I’d forgotten I came here to work, too.
“But we should have dinner. For real, this time.” He winks at me. “If I come here and find you napping again, you can be sure I’ll wake you up.” To clarify exactly what he means, he bends to kiss me again, slowly and passionately. One hand weaves in my hair while the other holds my shoulder; I wrap my arms around his back and pull him closer.
The kiss ends too soon. He pulls away with a smile. “Okay. Gotta go for real. I’ll meet you back here at six?”
“Okay.” I watch him leave, still feeling the warmth of his lips on mine.
Once he’s gone, I quickly change into shorts and a T-shirt—my official ‘work uniform’ when the heat starts rising in the morning. I then take a five-minute breather outside to integrate the ocean air as I sip my coffee, then go back inside and get settled for what I hope will be a more productive day.
The first thing I notice when I open my email inbox is an unread email from Leslie. I click on it, silently dreading the reply:
