She blinks up at me. Again, unnervingly, almost like she’s not seeing me. I wonder what goes on in that undead mind of hers—how much of her humanity was stolen when Lukain turned her to save her from a grisly death at Spymistress Alacine’s hands.
“Why did you, uh,engagewith Aelin and Tymon?”
As arousing and surprising as it was, it feels like a small betrayal, seeing them fucking like animals in heat. All to draw me out of my room so Tymon’s assassins could perch inside my chambers and wait for me to return. I realize now it was likely a ploy—a diversionary tactic—but I need to know Palacia’s side of it.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Sephy. I know you were watching.”
I inhale sharply. It’s the first time Palacia’s called me that since she turned. “I-I’m not embarrassed.” But my face feels suddenly flushed. Having her head in my lap is abruptly quite debilitating.
Palacia doesn’t smile or make fun of my obvious lie.
Gathering my wits, I say, “How . . . did you know?”
“I could smell you.” That only makes me more self-conscious and appalled, yet she continues. “Ever since drinking from you, your presence is heightened around me. I see you . . . differently. In a new light, Mistress.”
“I’m n-not your mistress, Pala. I’m yourfriend.”
Her lip quirks with a tiny smile. It quickly vanishes and she gazes blankly at the rough cave ceiling. “In fact, it was not Aelin I imagined while pumping into her. It was—”
“You don’t need to tell me that!” I gasp in a hurry. My words came out louder than before. My mates rustle and toss behind us. One of them lifts a head and sleepily asks if everything is all right. I wave him off, unable to take my eyes off Palacia.Shit, shit, shit. I shouldnothave started this conversation!
“You ask me why I did it?” Pala continues, letting her breakthrough admission die on her lips. Her bony shoulders rub along my thighs as she gives a small shrug. “I did not know it was something I wasn’t supposed to do,” she answers simply.
I tilt my head. “Well. It’s, erm, not that it’snotsomething you’re not supposed to do.” I have no idea if I’m even making sense now she has me all flustered. “I was just curious. I guess. Given our situation and all the years that separates us from the Grimsons, I suppose I’m wondering what drew you to Aelin.”
She takes a moment to speak. Her thin lips crease into a frown. “I wish I could say it was the need for a human memory. A futile grasp at a life I recalled from before . . . this. But the truth? It was a warm hole offered to me. I have no love for Aelin. Or anyone, really.This new version of me . . . it’s a mystery.I don’t understand myself. I wasn’t seeking understanding or companionship with Aelin. I was simply seeking . . . feeling. If that makes sense.”
I blink wide at her, slowly nodding. “More than you can imagine, my friend.”
She closes her eyes at last. It lets me breathe again. I’m starting to think allowing her head on my lap was a huge mistake. Yet, even as an “emotionless” vampire, she just said something that feels soprofoundto me. It’s hard to imagine there isn’t a stitch of humanity inside that miniature frame of hers.
A tiny smile plays at the corner of her mouth, her big eyes remaining closed. “I have found this new form needier than I ever was as a human. I saw an opportunity to relieve myself and took it. The reason is irrelevant, I imagine. It was the sheer pleasure I was after.”
She falls quiet then, squirming slightly in my lap.
I want to wrap my arms around my friend. Even more alarmingly, I feel the sudden need to dip my face and place my lips on hers. She looks so fragile, even though I know she is anything but. She’s one of the strongest people I know, and it has nothing to do with being a vampire.
Mostalarmingly, however, is the stomach-dropping and heart-lurching feeling I get when I notice movement in my peripheral vision, glance to my left down the length of her prone body, and see a ludicrous protrusion tenting her nightgown and throbbing. Her gown is stained with arousal at the point of her situation, presenting me with a perfectly visible outline that looksso—
I inhale sharply and leap to my feet, accidentally sliding her head off my lap.
In true emotionless fashion suiting only a vampire, Palacia’s eyes open and she stares down at her absurd erection, stretchedby her gown a good foot from her body, and then looks up at me with a frown. “Is something amiss, Sephy?”
“Nothing is missing!” I squeak. “Nothing is wrong, nothing is missingoramiss, obviously. I mean. Ha! Amiss, missing—isn’t it funny how those two words . . .” My face is on fire. I gesture at nothing in front of me, motioning toward the sunlight past the cave, trying to shut down my word vomit. “I-I-I think it’s time I sleep! I’ll wake one of the others for the next shift. Goodnight, er, good morning, friend!”
I scurry off to the back of the cave before she can say anything else. Worrying how my thoughts and body deceive me at the worst of times.
And worrying how nice the deception feels.
Chapter 6
Sephania
After a few hours of unsteady sleep in the back of the cave, I wake before night falls and before any of the others.
Some might call my moment with Palacia intimate or endearing. I call it mortifying, and now I need to do something with my hands. My stomach is also grumbling loudly, so I decide to stake out into the daylight.
I have my two swords and a boot dagger. I’m always well-equipped in Olhav because I have to be. But I’ve never been hunting, and it takes nearly an hour to find a suitable rabbit, oblivious to the goings-on around him as he chomps on a bushel.
