“I guess if you’re making me answer…” I look to him to confirm that he’s making me, and he nods encouragingly.“I will not miss the bullshit parts of my job.”
“What are those?”
“Well, I want to study and write about Indians in England, especially in the Victorian era, but my department head keeps trying to get me to publish on other subjects in this time, saying I would get more success if I kept to other, mostly whiter parts of history.And I usually give in, writing both the articles I want and the ones they want.More of the ones they want.Because it’s easier, and I don’t have security in the job yet.”
“I cannot imagine you giving in to anyone.You are so strong.The way you stand up to Forsyth and everyone here.”
“Well.You should work on your imagination.Because it’s hard to rock the boat.When I first met you that night, I thought everything was fake.It was easy to be forward with you all because I thought none of it was real.And then I realized it was very real, and I had no choice but to stand up to Charles since he wanted to have me arrested.”
“I think this was always you.It is hard to change your entire personality at a moment’s notice.”
“You’re wrong.You’ve seen a very different version of me because of the circumstances.You should have seen me when one of my undergraduate professors at university berated me in class when I asked questions about Indians in England because I was curious.He said it was ‘unnecessary to advance the discourse,’ and that they weren’t ‘significant parts of history.’Now I know that was most likely because he had no idea about the subject.But it made me not want to ask the questions about what interested me.Well, that and people’s eyes would glaze over when I talked about it.So I learned to be quiet about it, doing my own research in my free time.”
“But was that not a history classes?Why would they not be interested in the subject?”
“Everyone goes into history with their own ideas about what it is, ideas that can be formed by popular culture, which can get it wrong, or previous scholarship that has since been disproved.And people don’t like leaning things that go against their world view.Like the views that English history is white, or that brown people couldn’t have happy lives in English history.”
“That is absolutely wrong.London is a cosmopolitan city.”And he would know.
“Obviously.But people ignore things they aren’t interested in.The problem is that the same narrative gets told again and again and the general population seems to genuinely think that European history is all white.Just because others haven’t been studied as much and there’s an absence of evidence, people take that as evidence of their absence.But hopefully that will change.One day.”
“I might not spend any time in Limehouse, but even I acknowledge it exists.”
“Then you’re more progressive than the average American in 2025.Congratulations.”
“That seems like a poor reflection on your time.”
“All right.Calm down the judgement,my lord.You’re more progressive inlimitedways.”
The entree comes next, roast beef with vegetables, Yorkshire pudding and gravy.
“It may be small comfort, but you are obviously right.Last year we had three diplomatic delegations from India came and spend the season with us.I do not know if they got what they came for, but they socialized in the highest circles while they were here.And a few people stayed.I am not saying it is easy for Indians, but there are plenty of people who are happy.Me, as evidence.And some that are rich.Although I am not evidence of that.”
“They probably didn’t get what they came for.”The delegations often came to get an increase in their pensions or just to get their pensions enforced at the contracted amounts.The same contracts that transferred rulership to the British, in exchange for what was supposed to be a pension.Pensions that magically got smaller after the contract was signed.Royal groups sometimes went to London to appeal to the Crown directly instead of the British government in India, but it didn’t help much usually.
“Anyway.That’s the thing I won’t miss about h…home.”I get choked up at the end of the sentence.“And now I won’t have the opportunity to change anyone’s mind.”
“Ah.This is not helping as much as I had hoped it would.”
Sweet man.“It was a nice idea.”
“That did not work in execution?”
“I think it’s going to be really hard for a long time.But you’re right, too.I have options and some friends here.I’ll be all right.”
“I do not think you believe the last part,” Leo says gently.
“It’s hard to believe it now.But if I keep saying it, maybe one day I will believe it.”
We eat in silence for the rest of this course, and through most of the dessert course of fruit, cakes, souffles and meringues.All very casual, and the completely appropriate amount of food for two people.If one of them is fancy.
After dinner, Leo offers to walk me to my room.Probably a good call, since one tour is not enough to get me acclimated to this house and its numerous hallways.
“Thank you again for bringing me to Cambridge,” I say as we get to my door.
“Before you try to make me a knight in the Order of the Garter, remember that I am getting something out of our arrangement as well.”
“Right.Royal connections for your heiress hunt.”I hate Miss Chilcott and her beer and money.For absolutely no reason that I can substantiate, other than Leo wants to spend the rest of his life with her.Knowing my luck, she’ll be smart and kind too.
