So it’s a bad day on all fronts.
“You don’t have to stay here with me.I’m sure you want to rejoin the party.”I know I want him to.Because I don’t need an audience to my misery.
“I do like a good party.”Despite his words, Leo takes a seat on the stairs next to me.
“Then why are you still here?”Really, bro.I can’t hold the flood of tears back much longer, so it’s going to be wet here in a second.Not in a happy, sexual way.
“Ah.Well…” He pauses dramatically, piquing my interest.“You look very sad.And it doesn’t feel right to leave you here, alone.Whilst so sad.I have often found that happiness is the preferable state, so you should try that.”
I laugh at him, a small one, but a sound that qualifies.Because who in the Pollyanna is this guy?“Excuse me?I don’t think I can will myself to be happy.Especially not right now.When I have no idea what’s happening to me and no idea what I need to do next.”
I haven’t been this rudderless in my entire life.Or at least not since elementary school, when I vacillated between wanting to be a princess and professional reader when I grew up.Then I learned that those weren’t really feasible job opportunities, but I could spend my life studying about princesses (and everyone else living in the past) while reading books, and never looked back.
Since then, I may not always be able to achieve my goals, but I know what I want them to be.And I always have a plan on how to achieve them; I’ve always known what my next steps needed to be.
Now, I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep tonight.Oh, that thought has me burying my head deeper into my hands as I hunch over my knees, rocking back and forth a bit.
Leo sighs beside me.I don’t know what his damage is.He wasn’t transported against his will to another time, so I have no idea why he’s so aggrieved.“Come back inside the ball?I will procure some weak Madeira for you and show you why having a good time is much better than…this.”
“But I don’t know where I’m supposed to sleep tonight.Or how I’m supposed to get home,” I end on a wail.I’m aware that’ll raise more questions than it answers for him, but I need to vent to someone.
He’s taken aback, probably wondering how I got into the ball in the first place.“Hmm.I do not know how to help with that.But if I leave you here, you are not likely to find somewhere to sleep either.Unless you bivouac in Her Majesty’s hallway.If you come inside and dance with me, you can be drunk and you still will not have somewhere to sleep, but you will be happier about it.You have nothing to lose.”
I open my mouth and close it a few times.“You’ve lived a very different life than me.”Also a good piece of evidence for why France guillotined their nobles.How is this avoidance of responsibility or problems sustainable?
“Probably.But we are both here now, Your Royal Highness Meera Chopra, of the American Cooch Behars.”
“What the hell?”I throw my arms up.“I have no other plans.Might as well eat and get drunk.”
“Her Majesty does a fantastic supper.And it will all work out, in the end.”
“Great.”Because it always works out for rich people.But I am not in that club, so I don’t think it’ll apply to me.
But since I don’t have any other plans, I might as well try to brazen it out.
Leo extends his arm again and I take it, trying to do what he would do in this situation and push the worries to the back of my mind.
Despite me telling Leo I can enjoy the party on my own, he stays close to me, pointing out which drinks and food I might like.If anyone gives me an assessing look, he charms them, telling them I’m from India, explaining my “curious accent” with my many travels.He makes me sound more like a woman of the world than a lost woman with no idea what’s going on, which I appreciate.
I should probably be offended that he explains all my eccentricities as being because I’m a “simple girl” from India and can’t possibly understand the “complicated” Western world (*gag*) but it does keep me out of jail and Bedlam, so I guess I’ll have to grin and bear that condescension from the masses at this party.
Leo also stays away from any topic that could possibly be stressful for me, like family, where I grew up, or anything about me, really.Instead, he walks around the ballroom with me, trying to distract me by telling the scandalous gossip about the people we pass.
Well, it’s meant to be scandalous.But when you’re from the twenty-first century, some adultery and intrigue are not shocking, and even kind of expected, studying this crowd like I have.I know a few of the people in this room, and well…let’s just say I’ve read their love letters and seen the pornography they tried to hide.
The Prince of Wales is at this party, and he’s had so many affairs, I could write a book about just that topic, if other authors hadn’t already beaten me to it.Two of his mistresses are actually here: Daisy Greville, the Countess of Warwick, and Alice Keppel (the great-grandmother of Camilla, who’s queen in my time).There are also other members of the Marlborough House set, the name for the Prince of Wales’s group of friends who got together to carouse and cheat, it seemed like.
But I don’t tell Leo that.Instead, I pretend to be appropriately shocked that the “quality” would ever stoop to something as pedestrian as lust.
Tonight is a new party experience for me.Usually at parties I stick close to the people I know and we stay in our bubble, andnotknowing anyone at an event is my nightmare.Because then I’m either going to stand awkwardly alone in the corner or be forced to meet people.And both are unpleasant choices.
But it’s different with Leo.He’s clearly well-liked in this crowd, and everyone has a smile and a kind word ready for him.Some even seek him out.Meanwhile, I get confused glances from everyone that we encounter.But he handles the more curious among them, saying that the Queen told him to take care of me for the night and he takes his responsibilities seriously.
That always gets a laugh, so I guess Leo isn’t known for his responsibility.I guess he really does love fun.It’s hard for me to understand, because my joy has always been tied to my work.Which means it has also been tied to the frustration of not getting a grant, or not being chosen to be included in a journal.Some happiness, and some heartache, where the stakes are giving the ignored of the past their voice back.And when I fail, it’s not just me I’m disappointing, but them as well.
But Leo’s frivolity is…well, helpful for me, in this moment.So I guess I can’t judge him too much for it, even if it is completely foreign to me.
I don’t tell Leo that I’m a little starstruck by some of these names.Like the aforementioned countess, Daisy Greville, who became a socialist and advocated for policies that would address income inequality, including education and food insecurity for women and children.And had a bunch of affairs, wrote love letters, and then later blackmailed her former partners with them so she could continue to entertain herself lavishly and support her causes.
