“Yes.I will take you to places other than my bedroom.There will be other people around to see us together.”His voice is a little sharper than necessary.
“I’m just making sure you get something out of being my guide.I know it’s a lot I’m asking.”
“What about the pleasure of your company?”
“It’s not enough.”I hunch my shoulders by my ears, not wanting to list all the reasons I’m not enough.“My bank account isn’t enough.”Not only is it not enough, it’s also in a bank that doesn’t even exist yet.
“Damn the bank account!”
“You don’t mean that.And my home is…” I look at Anne.“Far away.”
Leo hangs his head in defeat.“We shall be seen by everyone.You will be happy to know I danced with multiple heiresses last night, at the ball you were not at, that had only mildly objectionable fortune origins.And with Miss Chilcott twice.”
“That’s good.”Even though the churning in my stomach suggests my body thinks it’s the opposite of good news.“But you should have called on her today.”The churning gets worse when I keep pushing him toward other women.Acid fighting regret and whatever else is down there to make me as miserable physically as I am mentally.
“You can stop shoving me off on other women.I know exactly what is at stake here if I fail to make a good match.I look at my sister’s face every day and answer her questions about what is going to happen to her if we lose the houses and if she needs to marry.I hear her worry.I even hear the worry of my tenants, wondering the same thing, minus the marriage issue.”His voice rises with each sentence, leaning forward over the middle of the carriage to emphasize his words.
I sink farther back into the carriage cushions.Because I don’t like Leo being upset at me.So I fall back into old patterns of retreat at a confrontation.Ones I thought I had actually been doing a good job getting over, since I’ve had to assert myself more here than I ever did at home.
“I’m only trying to help.The way you’ve helped me.”Even though it’s not easy to watch him be with other women when I’m this attracted to him.When I want to pound my fists and jump up and down, demanding he get a real job and sell off some shit and be with me.
But I’m not a permanent feature here and have no right to be making demands.
Leo deflates as well.“I’m sorry, I did not mean to snap.I do not like thinking about what I have to do.But you are right; it needs to be done.I should focus more on the task.”
“So tomorrow we’ll do see-and-be-seen things around London.And then we’ll go to Cambridge the day after.”
“Yes.”There’s the slightest hint of regret in his voice.
Which I ignore.If I can ignore the fact that it should be impossible to time travel and hang out with the Queen of England in 1895, I should be able to ignore the allure of the attractive man sitting across from me.Who I’ve already kissed.
It can’t be harder than ignoring the fact that I’m living in one of my own academic journal articles.
Yet…it kind of is.
* * *
The next morning,I know what to expect with my callers.I grit my teeth and smile even though everyone in the drawing room is still staring at me like I know the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb at a Classics convention.
It’s been days.How are they still so interested in me?Although this may be more a result of no social media than my sparkling personality.
But Leo comes inside this time, now that he knows we have plans and I’m not a flight risk, which makes the circus more bearable.
He’s born to do this, to charm everyone around him.They obviously know his family’s scandal and should avoid him, but they still laugh openly with him, no sign of condescension or awkwardness.
Or maybe our plan is working that well, and a royal stamp of approval can override anything.
He cuts the length of visits down more efficiently than I ever would have, being firm but polite to everyone while he kicks them out of the room like he owns the palace.
Must be an aristocrat thing.They had to have some skill set, and it definitely wasn’t working.
Soon after everyone leaves, he’s rushing Anne and me into the carriage.I’m still a little dazed and a lot grateful at how much smoother the visit went with him by my side.
“Where to today?”I ask, shaking off the effects of being surrounded by too many damn people against my will.
“You are going to enjoy this.We are going to—no.It will be more fun to surprise you once we arrive.”
“But I hate surprises.”
