I hear the question from behind me but don’t stop to answer it because I’ll probably lose it if I do.
That’ll definitely make people talk about me.
And they won’t be saying good things.
CHAPTER18
Victoria doesn’t want to go out tonight.Not surprising; she doesn’t go out much since Albert passed.I’m more surprised that she’s gone out to the three balls we’ve been to in the past week, but two of those were at her house as part of her birthday celebrations, and the most recent was to introduce me to her godchildren, so maybe it isn’t so hard to believe.
I’m more than happy with her decision.Even though it would have been nice to see Leo again, it’s good to have time away from his magnetic presence.To build up some defenses against him, since he keeps making me forget why getting involved with someone from the past is a bad idea.
And he does need to work on those heiresses, despite what he thinks.A task I’d rather not see happening.
Victoria’s decision also gives me more time with the longest-reigning monarch until 2015 when Elizabeth II takes that title from her.We have a nice dinner of curry, since I keep leaving during the lunch curries and Victoria doesn’t want me to miss out, and some elaborately molded jellies for dessert.
She also agrees that I should go to Cambridge, after I said it would be good to see the university.Since I am here to learn.She’s going to send Anne as a chaperone, and let me go with Leo, who she trusts implicitly.
A statement I would perhaps believe more if there wasn’t a tinkle in her eye when she said it.A matchmaking twinkle.
Victoria is surprisingly chill about it.
Then again, maybe it wasn’t so surprising.This is the same woman who took John Brown and Abdul the Munshi to Glassalt, the secluded lodge on the Balmoral Estate, which she called her “widow’s house.”Took both men there without any other people on the trips.I don’t know what she did with them there, and no one but the parties involved ever will, but it is a fact they were alone, and it made tongues wag.
And women are travelling alone more at this time than they ever had, exploring the world around them with more and more freedom.
The rest of the meal is taken up with Abdul talking about India.Victoria’s not the only one soaking up every word; this historian is glad to hear about what it’s like in India at the time, through his perspective of living in Agra.
Another plus of the small dinner is there’s less people to worry about.No odious Charles or overly curious aristocrats I have to perform for.
And no Leo to worry about for different, more lust-based reasons.Although he hasn’t been far from my mind since I got here.
That night I go to bed with hope.I’m getting too involved with the marquess, but I have a next step that can lead to home.And that’s more than I’ve had in a while.
* * *
“I have how many visitors?Still?”I ask Anne as she helps me get dressed for the day in my room.
I’ve never been this popular and I wish I could tell sixteen-year-old Meera how fucking exhausting popularity is.
And inconvenient.How am I supposed to soak up everything in Victorian London while trying to avoid how attracted I am to an actual aristocrat,andfind a way home?All while serving as entertainment for bored rich people?Who I have tosocializewith?No.
This is worse than the end of every semester, when students are panicking about how they did on finals and I have to grade like the wind while attending all the end-of-year wrap up events.
“Can we tell them I’m not in?And then shuffle me out of some secret passageway, maybe?”I ask as Anne finishes tightening my corset.
Anne suppresses a smile so quickly I don’t know if I imagined it, and then nods.“Yes.We can do that.If you’re sure you want to?It’s a compliment that they want to see you.”
“I can see why that is.But yes.Please.”
“Her Majesty would approve.Except for the going out part.”She opens my door to say something to a footman, and then comes back.“But I have to do everything in my power to stay with you this time.I have my instructions.”
“That’s all right.”I could use someone who knows London.“Wait.Does she want you to report back to her?Have you been reporting back to her?”
Anne hesitates, the first moment of uncertainty I’ve seen from the woman.“Yes.You haven’t done anything to worry about, though.A trip to the museum, a walk in the park, and a visit to a library are all appropriate activities.”
I force my face to remain neutral when I remember exactly what we did in the library.
“But I am also to bring money for you and help you with whatever you want to see,” she says.
