A very potent weapon, the silence.Begging to be filled.Begging for me to say anything to break the unending nothingness.I try to distract myself with the views of London outside my window, and it kind of works.I see people going in and out of buildings, finishing their business for the day and meeting acquaintances.People in extravagant clothes who are visiting these buildings and those in more functional, less expensive ones who work inside them, all mingling on the city streets.All the hustle and noise of a Victorian city, people yelling, wheels turning over cobblestones, and horses pulling carriages, is interesting.But it’s not quite enough to distract from the man across from me.
So I’m grateful when the carriage finally stops.
“We’re here,” I say, hoping but also a little sad that this could be my last day living in the past.Which means there’s not going to be any more Leo.It’s very confusing.
I don’t wait for him as I jump out of the carriage and onto the busy nineteenth century London street.I dodge horse poo, street sweepers and finely dressed women to get to the building’s entrance.Then I stop.I don’t know if this is a place I can just walk into.
History teaches about the general: this is Bedford College, founded in 1849, and one of the first colleges for women in the U.K.A few years from now, it’ll become part of the University of London.Notable alumni include: Sarah Redmond, one of the first Black women to speak about abolishing slavery in America during the 1800s; George Eliot, author; Elizabeth Blackwell, the first woman to earn a medical degree in America; and plenty of other scientists, politicians and historians.
But I don’t know the particulars.Like: do they have a front desk or some sort of guard system?Frankly, that would be more useful than any other fact I know about it.At least right now.
“Are we going in?”Leo whispers from beside me, having snuck up on my while I was lost in confusion.“Or does the door have all the information we need?”
Like anything’s that easy.“In.”
Taking a deep breath, I twist the doorknob.It gives easily, opening inward into a silent room.The stillness is a shock after the chaos of the street, especially when Leo and Anne come in and he closes the door behind them, leaving us in the quiet and dark entryway.Once my ears and eyes adjust to the new space, I wander deeper in.
“Can I help you?”a man asks.He’s dressed in a suit and walks with perfect posture and an assertiveness that says he’s supposed to be here.A guard, maybe.
“We’re trying to find…” No, I don’t think the truth will serve anyone here.But I didn’t think of a suitable lie, either.“Umm.”
“You cannot just come in and wander around the woman’s college unless you’re authorized to be here.”He takes a threatening step forward.To throw me out?That would be a first, getting thrown out of a school.A first I do not want to achieve.
“This is the Marquess of Basildon, Baron Chelmsford.He’s looking for suitable colleges for his sister and I’m her tutor.We’d like to look around.Speak to the women here about their experiences.”
Leo jumps right into the ruse and ups his arrogance to at least double intensity.“Yes, we need to see if they have been improved by your tutelage, and if it is worth the fees.Thank you for your assistance.”
Then he sails past the security man like he owns the college, without waiting for approval.The guard sputters, but notes Leo’s expensive clothes and very proper chaperone, and lets us pass with a glare.
Fucking aristocrats.I channel all that frustration into a shrug I share with the man and then run after Leo.The arrogance can be helpful, on occasion.Weaponizing his worst characteristics for my gain, as it were.
We pass dark, wood-paneled student spaces, a dining hall, a chapel, and a few classes led by lecturers that aren’t too keen on being interrupted by a stranger opening the door with a hasty apology.
“I know you do not want to tell me what information you need, but do you want to tell me who or what we are looking for to get the information?I have a pair of eyes that can be made a slight more useful if they knew what to look for,” Leo says.
“Like you said: the library.Librarians know everything.We need to get to a library and then they can help us to the next step.”
“I never found anything useful in the library,” Leo mumbles.
“Did you try reading any of the booksinthe library?”
“Touché, madame.”He has no regret in his voice for all the books he didn’t read.
I roll my eyes and refrain from saying he might not be in the position he’s in if he had read some of those lovely, useful books.
After we’ve opened enough doors that we must be in danger of running out of rooms soon, we find the room we’re looking for.A magic space of towering dark wood bookshelves, desks and comfortable chairs meant to invite long study, and thick rugs to muffle the sounds of other patrons seeking their knowledge.Windows were an afterthought, a few planes of glass here and there letting in slivers of light, some already covered by bookshelves.
The lack of light isn’t the best for reading, but it sure does give the room atmosphere.Along with the smell of books that are old even in this time.
“Anne, why don’t you wait at one of the tables?We might be here a while reading and finding books, and there are people around anyway.”I don’t need her listening in on my talk with the librarian.
“Oh, I don’t think that would be proper…”
“What can be more proper than a library?A repository of knowledge.You know, when the library of Alexandria?—”
“All right then.I’ll stay right here.”She sits on an overstuffed chair in front of a desk, already knowing, even in our short acquaintance, that I can really yap about history.And she doesn’t want to hear more of it.
“Great.We’ll see you soon,” I say.
