“A camel threw me across the length of a barn and I landed on a rocky floor. I could have a concussion.” Not that my head was hit, but it’s the principle of the matter.
Mee-maw harrumphs at me. “I was there. None of that happened.”
“Well, I did fall from a very tall height. And my wrist is fractured.” I hold up the pink cast, in a blatant attempt at sympathy. I even throw in some wide eyes and a slight quiver to my lips.
“When did you get here, Mee-maw?” Beau hugs his grandmother, and then turns to me. “And you’ve already met Sonia?” He raises his eyebrow at me.
“She’s called me a Yankee numerous times now and a carpetbagger once.”
“You guysareclose.”
“And now that you’re here, Beau, you can explain what you two are to each other,” Mee-maw says. “Couldn’t get anything out of this one earlier.”
“Mee-maw, we’re...” Beau looks at me, but I can’t help him; I have no idea what we’re doing anymore. This isn’t quite the casual situation it started out as. “...friends.”
“Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining,” Mee-maw warns him, looking meaningfully at his arm still around me.
“That’s all you’re getting at the moment.”
She shakes her head. “Young people and their needlessly complicated attitude to dating.” Disappointed in the youth, Mee-maw wanders off to find someone more interesting to harangue. I breathe out in relief.
We watch the activity going on in front of us, happy to be sitting on the hay like we’re king and queen at a farm-themed prom. Beau takes any excuse to touch me, rubbing my arm, touching my knee or elbow to get my attention, or playing with the ends of my hair.
In the brief time we’ve known each other, my body has gone from giddy excitement whenever he touches me to a deeper contentment that my body doesn’t just like but is coming to expect as its right. I know I’m going to be wrecked at the end of the trip. There’s going to be no way to survive this with any sort of dignity or grace.
I genuinely thought I could keep this as casual as every other romantic interaction I’ve had, but I’ve never felt this intensity of feelings before. I don’t know why I arrogantly thought I could handle the barrage of emotions coming at me now. Maybe it was because I didn’t feel like I was really getting to know Beau in New York, even though I was sharing a lot about me.
I could see some of him: his hate of art, his kindness, his banter, his forearms. But I didn’t know him fully until I saw him in his home.
That’s when I saw the love he has for his family. I also saw the peace in his eyes when he looks over the peach orchard and the way he dotes on his niece and nephew.
And now I have to deal with the way I felt when I saw him with Amanda. With someone who isn’t messed up. Who probably wants family and forever and isn’t irrationally panicked when she sees a Mr. and Mrs. matching champagne glass set.
But under the panic, I know that I care about Beau.
It’s too much for me. I think about how it would feel to watch Beau walk away over and over again to go back to the South, like I have with my parents, and it makes my chest tighten. And I can’t quit my job to do...what would I even do down here besides make eyes at Beau?
But I can’t figure out a way to extricate myself from the situation. Which is a lie. Because I could just buy a plane ticket back and it would be no big deal. But when I opened the web browser to buy a ticket when I ducked into the bathroom an hour ago, I didn’t get past typing in “New” into location. I haven’t tried it since.
Because even bigger than the panic is the need to spend more time with Beau.
“Are you okay?” Beau asks.
“Me? Yeah, I’m fine.” Having a mild existential crisis, but otherwise just peachy. Ugh, great. Now I’m making peach puns.
“You looked like you were thinkin’ deep thoughts,” Beau whispers in my ear.
“Just wondering if I could sneak Bubba in my suitcase when I leave.” Close enough. I wasn’t thinking about Bubba, but I was thinking about leaving.
Beau snorts. “You’d have better luck dressing him up in a coat and buying him his own ticket.”
I use my remaining good hand to stroke my chin, considering. “Yes, yes. I see your point. I’ll take it under advisement.” Bubba would look adorable in clothes. Hey, I think that is cheering me up slightly.
By evening, everyone is run ragged. Not us, because Beau and I sat down the entire time being brought snacks from whoever Eve ordered around. But everyone else looks tired.Especiallythe aforementioned volunteers.
When Eve is giving her final instructions for the parade the next day, Beau tugs me away.
“Don’t you need to hear this?” I whisper, thinking the wrist guilt wouldn’t protect me if Eve catches me and Beau fleeing her rehearsal. She seems like her guilt stops where her business begins.
