“What are our options at this point?” Gavin looks around like the answer is hiding in the cabinet under the sink, behind the extra toilet paper.
“Jump out the window? We’re on the first floor, so no worry about injuries. And then we’re going to have to flee the country, but I think we can really grow to love the aggressive politeness of Canada. Ooh and maple syrup.”
A knock on the door breaks into our planning, and we freeze in fear.
“Guys, are one or both of you in there?” Mom asks.
“If you are both in there, don’t let us know,” Laura says from the other side of the door.
“Just me,” I lie. Sometimes, a lie is best for everyone involved.
“Okay, well get back out here. Your dads are arguing about the Christmas sales last year, and they can only sustain themselves on the certainty they’re right so long before they realize both of you are gone. Tell Gavin too...wherever he is,” Mom dryly says.
Yeah, not fooling the combined powers of the moms at all.
“Okay, I’ll get right on that. You go back to the table first.” Casual, I can do casual. I’m just a normal human, using a bathroom, for its intended purpose. Alone. Nothing to see here.
Mom sighs her patented Rani Gutpa sigh as she walks away. “Children,” she whispers to Laura, forgetting that her doors aren’t soundproof.
“This is a bandage,” I say after we hear the moms’ footsteps fade.
“Hiding in the bathroom? Well, yeah. It’s not solving the problem.”
I shake my head. “No, let’s tear off this bandage. Quick.”
Gavin’s eyes widen as he realizes what I’m about to do. He reaches for me as I slip out of the door but jerks back when he realizes he has to let me go or make a scene.
I march through the house with all the determination of Hannibal crossing the Alps. I wonder if Hannibal was as hopped up on moscato as I am. Probably, he did take elephants up the Alps; that man must have been wine drunk.
I wonder if his heart was beating this fast as well.
“I have an announcement.” Four score and seven years... No! That’s the wrong speech.
“What is it, beta?” Dad asks me, looking mildly concerned at my clenched fists and increased respiration.
“I’m dating him.” I turn dramatically to indicate Gavin, only to draw everyone’s attention to the very confused waiter bringing in the main course.
Hey. Where’s my coward of a boyfriend?
“Okay. Hello, son. Why don’t you sit down with us?” Dad asks, not missing a beat.
The mom gallery at the side of the table bursts into laughter...Not helping, moms.I send them a glare to let them know they’re getting cheesy necklaces that say Mom for Christmas that they’ll have to wear because they love us, but they’ll hate them, because they’re going to be so very tacky.
And now I have to do this again. “No, not Peter.” Then I turn to him. “Not that you’re not great and some person would be so lucky...”
“I’m going to leave this here.” Peter drops his serving tray on the table and rushes back to the kitchen.
Take me with you, Peter; anything to save me from how awkward this is.
“If you need more of a break, you don’t have to come back to work on Monday. Take another week, or as long as you need,” Dad says, his concern not helping me right now.
“No, I’m dating the coward Gavin.” Or maybe not anymore now that I see what he’s made of when the going gets tough.
He runs. Like he’s in the Olympics after recovering from an injury and he has something to prove.
“What?” Dad gets up, his face a mix of confused and angry. Confangry?
“What?” William gets up as well, the look on his face twins with the confrangry on Dad’s. I don’t think they would appreciate that being pointed out by me right now.
