Jasper and Talon, grinning like idiots; me, off to the side, jaw set like stone; and Evangeline, hair braided over one shoulder, AGU hoodie swallowing her frame, arms hooked around them like the older sister she was to us all.
“Is that…?”
“Yeah.” My jaw knots hard enough to hurt. “Jasper’s sister.”
Evangeline’s smile burns through the glass, a ghost pressing its fingers into my skull.
“What happened to her? To Evangeline.”
For a moment, I just stare at the amber liquid in my glass.Don’t do this,I think. I take a slow sip of whiskey, hoping it will burn away the sudden bitterness coating my throat. It doesn’t. The liquor slides down easy; the memories won’t.
“She—” I start, the word catching. I cough and try again, forcing my voice to come out flat, detached. “She died. A few years ago.”
Mara’s brows knit—she isn’t satisfied. I can see a hundred more questions swirling behind her eyes.How? Why?She bites her lower lip and presses gently. “Jasper… He just… shuts down whenever I mention her. But I know what I saw in the news—a drowning.”
Of course he does. Jasper can’t talk about his sister without breaking apart. None of us can. I drag a hand through my hair and look away, fixing my gaze on the far wall.
A part of me wants to lie, conjure some simple story to placate her. But Mara isn’t stupid. If I brush her off with “it was an accident” or some bullshit, she’ll know I’m hiding something. And she’s right, Jasper has clearly told her nothing.Thanks a lot, brother.Now it’s on me to give her something.
“She was… hurt,” I say slowly, each word heavy. “It was sudden.” I clamp down the specifics before they spill out. My gut churns. Hurt is one word for it. Brutally murdered might be more accurate. Or betrayed. But I can’t go there, not with Mara. Not now.
Mara leans forward a little on the couch. Her eyes are huge and shining in the dim light. “Hurt how?” she whispers. “Was it an accident, or?—”
“Does it matter?” I snap. Mara flinches just a fraction, and immediately guilt twists in my chest.
“I just…” She swallows. “I just want to understand. You all lost someone you loved. I can’t imagine losing Milo.”
“Yeah… well, be glad you don’t have to,” I interject, pushing off the wall. I take two steps and set my whiskey glass down on the coffee table with a dull thunk. “She’s gone. End of story.”
I rake a hand over my face.
“Did someone hurt her… on purpose?”
“Mara, stop,” I warn.
She takes a tentative step toward me. “Why won’t you talk about it? You can trust me. I just… Why do the three of you act all weird when I mention her?”
I take a step back, needing space. My shoulder bumps the edge of the shelf, and the little golden frame rattles. I turn the frame face down with a rough shove. Mara sucks in a breath at my harsh gesture, but I can’t look at Evie’s eyes a second longer.
“Dredyn—” Mara reaches out, fingertips brushing the air near my forearm.
“I said drop it.” My voice comes out in a growl. I’m not proud of the flash of hurt that crosses her face, but I’m on a fraying edge here. Mara’s hand recoils slightly.
A heavy silence falls. Her persistence wavers, and she wraps her arms around herself. I instantly miss the loss of her tentative touch. Damn it. I didn’t want to scare her. I force myself to take a slow breath, trying to leash the anger, but my pulse thuds loud in my ears.
Mara’s eyes glisten as if tears are not far off. She blinks them back fiercely. “You think forgetting her is better?” she asks, voice quiet but unwavering. “Evangeline was your friend… practically your sister, right? Acting like it doesn’t matter won’t make the pain go away, Dredyn. Quit trying to always be the big bad wolf.”
Part of me wants to yell at her, tell her she doesn’t understand a damn thing. Another part of me wants to pull her against me and just feel something good for once. I’m caught in the crossfire between anger and desire, despair and longing.
Mara’s thumb moves in a soft stroke over my tensed forearm. “It’s okay,” she soothes. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m on your side, Dred.”
On my side. God, she doesn’t know how those simple words undo me. When was the last time I felt someone was on my side? Mara’s kindness is a spotlight on all my darkness, and I don’t know whether to run from it or bask in it. I feel myself leaning closer to her without meaning to, drawn in by the earnest heat in her eyes. I could tell her everything. Maybe it would even feel good to unload the secret that’s been eating me alive.
But then what? She’d pity me? Worse, she might despise me if she knew the role I played after Evangeline’s death—the bodies I killed for the Syndicate to cover up my pain. My father had to stop me from taking on another job.
She might look at me like I’m a monster. I couldn’t take that.Better she hate me for being closed-off than hate me for what I’ve done.
Mara’s free hand comes up as if to touch my cheek, and I flinch back instinctively. No. Enough. I have to stop this—stopherbefore she cracks me open. I can’t let her ask any more questions. I can’t let her peel back the bandage I’ve slapped over that old wound, because it’s festering and ugly beneath. I have to derail this now, or I’m going to lose it.
