A dry laugh escaped me, from Vuheia knew where, because none of this was funny.
“Ironically, my handling of the disaster made me popular with the citizens. Also how I was prompted to become the next king. I have a feeling it might do the same in this life.”
“It already has,” Edwin stated quietly.
“Zinos take me, I hope not,” I muttered before taking another swig of wine. “I do not need that pressure on me again. Edwin, how are you? Is this too much?”
“Keep going,” he encouraged in his quiet, thoughtful manner. “You’re not anywhere near done speaking, I can tell.”
Well, if he was ready to hear more, then I would keep talking. I just hoped his final conclusion to this conversation wouldn’t be that I was mad.
“Like I said, the Wrath was the first of the disasters. We nearly faced an economic collapse because of how much damage it caused. It took almost five years of hard work to get our economy stable again. We lost nearly half the country’s population to salence, as well, and if not for Royce’s research, we may well have lost the rest. I’m sure you’ve wondered why I backed him up and provided him more funding?”
“I have. On many occasions.”
“That’s why. To safeguard my people in the future. His cure really does work. Well, it will as soon as he comes up with it again. Just when I thought we’d get our feet back under us, the next wave of disasters struck. The portal to the demon realm was opened, releasing the Demon King into the world once more, at which point he flew into the depths of the Iron Mountains to the north and summoned a hellish army.”
“Do you know how?”
I shook my head miserably. I tried to wash out the bitter taste in my mouth with more wine, but it only slightly helped. “No. I sent people to investigate but was never able to figure it out. Mostly because everyone who witnessed his rising was instantly killed. I also had no time to figure out the why when it took everybit of time and skill to raise an army to defeat him. We lost every village along the border before I was able to even get my soldiers in place. Words can’t describe the horror. He’d turned the whole landscape into a hellscape of desolation and heat.
“The eve of battle, I had everyone with me, with you managing the supplies and support at the rear. And I received word you’d been found dead. Murdered.”
Edwin flinched, head canted in confusion. “What?”
“I don’t know why or how.” Grief kept swelling my throat shut, and I had to force each word through. Someone once told me grief was love with nowhere to go, and it couldn’t be more true. The wound was raw, still actively bleeding, because despite sitting here, he wasn’t my Edwin yet. I had to look away from him to keep the tears at bay. “That’s the hell of it, I don’t know. No one could tell me. If I hadn’t been hours away from battling the Demon King, I would have ridden straight back to where you were and investigated, figured out who’d been responsible, and made them pay dearly. To my cost, I couldn’t even properly mourn you that night. I was on standby for hours, waiting on the Demon King to come into the magic trap we’d set. It was agony, sitting in that tent, unable to do anything but cry. I couldn’t even risk getting drunk.”
Edwin’s hand found mine and I squeezed, hard.
“You’re always so good about giving me what I need.” I refused to let go of his hand.
Edwin’s expression was enigmatic, impossible to read. “Were we lovers?”
“No. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t be married and treat you like an affair partner. My heart broke at just the idea. Still, we were incredibly close. You often stayed the night with me when I was overwhelmed and in need of a shoulder to lean upon. I stayed the night with you many times at your house, as well.”
“Hence you knowing where my house is,” he murmured, mostly to himself. “And what was in my library.”
“You read all of Barman’s books to me. Those, I remember well. I’d sit in your parlor, sip wine, and listen as you read aloud. It was so incredibly relaxing. Sometimes, you reading to me was the only thing that could get me to sleep at night.”
“Barman? Of all the books you liked, it was Barman? Not what I’d expected.”
“You read many books to me, not just hers. Honestly, you could have read a ship’s manifest and I’d have listened happily. Anything I could do with you made me happy.” I looked down at our joined hands and found the strength to keep going. “When you died, I lost all will to live. I went into battle with the thought that I’d kill the Demon King—but I wasn’t coming out of that battle alive. I didn’t want to.”
“James!” Edwin lurched in shock, nearly knocking over his own wineglass. His hand on mine became a stranglehold. “Is that why you died?”
“Basically. I didn’t do anything to guard myself as I fought him. I was offensively attacking only. He scored several hits against me that led to my death; I bled out right there on the ground before the mages could heal me. It was such a relief to die, honestly. I was so utterly fed up with my life. Nothing had gone according to my own wishes, I was miserable as a king, and I hated my wife enough to kill her myself. With you gone, what was the point of living?”
Tears shone in Edwin’s beautiful blue eyes. I hadn’t meant to make him so sad, but there was no other way to explain what happened next, either. He had to understand just how much he meant to me for the next part of the story to make sense.
I silently pleaded with him to understand me. I needed that more than anything else. I was so tired—exhausted from grief, regret, from the effort of holding back—and I just didn’t havemuch left in me anymore. Hopefully the sincerity came through in my voice. I used words to the best of my ability, because if he was openly listening to me, I must somehow reach him.
“Once I died, I unexpectedly met with an angel. It still doesn’t make sense to me why I deserved to meet one, but she said I had successfully completed every Task I had promised to do before my birth. For that, I was guaranteed a place in Paradise.”
“Wait, you were at the in-between plane? You remember that?”
“I do. And the descriptions of the place are completely accurate. Bit of a shock to me, too. Anyway, I was so heartsore, even the idea of Paradise held no appeal. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I’d succeeded at anything, didn’t feel like I’d earned Paradise.”
Edwin’s voice rose into the octave of cold brass instruments. “Did you turn it down?!”
