She answered after a moment, sounding somewhat breathless. “Edwin?”
“I need you here, now. There’s an emergency.”
And the fact that the word “emergency” didn’t sound urgent enough was, well, rather telling.
I did have hopes, though, that because we’d had a council meeting only this morning, people were still near enough to the palace to attend another. One way or another, we had to speed run this and send James out with the army as quickly as possible.
If we were fast enough, there was hope still.
The council meeting went as well as could be expected, with a vote to release the army. In fact, it was an incredibly short session, only thirty minutes long, partially due to Priest Edes’s testimony. I’d spent the last several hours with Helena and Royce, helping to prep all the soldiers with oil, supplies, and whatnot. Lenville still had not sent word to me, which didn’t herald anything good.
I knew people up north were scrambling. James’s orders to vacate immediately had been issued, but it was a matter of getting the right help up to them in time. James was fully aware of this, and he hadn’t been kidding when he’d said he would leave in less than five hours. I knew he was used to moving quickly when the situation called for it. I wasn’t. Still, I did my best to keep up with him.
Almost five hours later on the dot, he loaded us both into a carriage, everyone already on their way to the docks. We were in a closed carriage, and I knew why without asking—so we could say goodbye in privacy.
James had packed.
I had not.
The second the doors were closed, he hauled me in tightly. I hugged him back just as fiercely, my eyes pricking with tears. I hated this. Evenhatewasn’t a strong enough word. No part me of me wanted to separate from my husband, especially not to send him to war against an opponent who had killed him once already. I absolutely did not like sending him off like this. I wanted to say screw necessity, but the practical part of my nature didn’t allow for it.
James spoke against my shoulder, his words soft, a definite catch of strong emotion behind them. “Beloved. I hate leaving you here, but—”
“One of us has to stay. One king needs to be on the throne while the other wages war.”
It had to be James to go off to war. I was not a fighter. He may be the obvious choice, but we both still hated the reality.
“It’s that and…honestly, I can’t bring you to war with me. Not after what happened the first time. I can’t take the risk of something happening to you on the front lines.”
“I understand. I’ll be fine here, safe within the palace walls. You’ve no need to worry about me.”
“I’ll worry about you regardless—you know that, right?”
“I know.”
James might not ever fully overcome the trauma of losing me in his first life. There were still times he’d swoop in and hug me for a long moment, not saying a word. I knew he needed to reassure himself I was fine, that I was alive and still with him. Hopefully, those fears would abate with time.
“I love you.” I held on a little tighter. “I feel I don’t say those words enough.”
“You can mention it more often.” He settled more in my arms. “I love you. Safeguard yourself, first and foremost.”
“I will, I swear to you. Promise me the same.”
“I’ll come back to you in one piece. They won’t best me a second time.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
I felt as if I had a million things to say to him and not a single word was adequate to relay even part of them. Why were we so short on time? Why did we have to face this again? James had deliberately safeguarded against this very future and yet his hard work had been for naught.
The carriage pulled to a stop, and I knew we had arrived at the docks. Our moment was basically over and my chance to say anything was now past. Still, I lingered for a bit more.
I kissed him, intending it to be a gesture of love and affection. It turned hungry, desperate, both of us wanting nothing more than to stay in this embrace. To never separate. It physically pained me, knowing our time together had to end. James had to go. I poured every bit of love and need into this kiss, to remind his heart I was with him, even if we were apart.
There was a discreet tap on the door.
“Your Majesty?” Sir Seymour called. “Everyone’s boarding.”
I gentled the kiss before withdrawing and shifting off his thighs. “I’ll send more troops and supplies after you. Do not doubt they are on your heels.”
