I teetered on the edge of devastation, my entire world crumbling around me. I didn’t know what to do. Aside from punching Patrick, because he deserved a good punch just for being a general asshole.
Edwin had promised me that he’d be with me no matter what. I trusted in him. Still, I knew the pitfalls this path led toward. Even in the name of the greater good, I couldn’t force an agreement out of my mouth.
I wanted to ask Edwin what I should do, but it wasn’t fair to drag him into this and force him to make the decision for me. He was just as conflicted, as he too wanted me to be king—believed I needed to hold the position. He just also knew what the personal cost to us would be.
If I chose anything over Edwin, again, could I even live with myself afterward?
Sixty-three
Edwin
I stood there watching James’s profile, and never in my life had I been so appalled.
I’d known these two were not the best of parents, but I’d never imagined they would undermine everything James had done—for the good of this country, no less!—just to protect Victor. I supposed a parent’s love was so blindly loyal they would sacrifice whatever necessary to protect the child.
Only Victor wasn’t a fucking child anymore.
And James didn’t deserve this treatment.
For a moment, I stood frozen in place, not sure what to do. James’s expression was a rictus of indecision. I didn’t know what decision he’d make.
No, rather, I feared I knew.
I knew for a fact how much James loved this country, these people. He’d sacrificed himself once already to protect it. His love and devotion to this place wasn’t in question. I also knew how much he loved King’s Paper. More than an asset, it was like his child, something he’d built with his own hands. I couldn’timagine the pain he felt, facing the prospect of losing it all. Plan B meant exile, yes, but he’d never intended to let go of King’s Paper.
In that moment, I hated Patrick and Beatrice with every fiber of my being. How dare they do this to him. The one child who had bent over backward to be good to them, and yet the second things looked rough, they threw him overboard and demanded he smile while he went sailing into those inky depths. I’d strangle them both if it wouldn’t land me on the gallows.
James’s jaw flexed, his hands curling into fists, and the pain on his face was breathtaking. I doubted they’d let him walk away and think about it, either, because they wanted to pressure him into an agreement now. Force his hand and then force him to stick to it.
But what they demanded was so obscene, so tragic, it felt like a hot iron poker stabbed me in the chest. They didn’t know what they were asking.
This was breaking him.
A whisper of a voice more in my mind than my ear said,Protect him, Edwin.
Protect him.
Because he could not, apparently, protect himself. Not when he knew the cost.
For all that I wanted him to be king, I couldn’t demand he take the throne. Not like this. Making the same choice all over again would destroy him, and simply staying by his side would not be enough. That certainty rang through my bones.
I had let him sacrifice himself in our first life. We’d both paid dearly for it.
I would not let the disastrous mistake play out again.
I handed my book over to Captain Rowan without a word and then walked the distance between myself and James. The silencewas incredibly loud, so much so that the soft tread of my shoes against carpet brought everyone’s attention to me.
“Dear heart,” I called softly.
Fear and hesitation writhed across James’s face as he looked up at me. Gutting me would’ve been kinder. What had I done? How did I even begin to make up for pushing him?
“Please don’t ask this of me,” he pleaded in a soft, torn voice.
I gently cradled his face, needing to touch him. “It’s all right, beloved. I won’t. I’m sorry I ever asked you to, and I take it entirely back.”
Relief swept over his face and he slumped, eyes searching mine. “You mean that?”
“I do.” Sweeping my thumbs across his cheeks, I offered, “Plan B?”
