I didn’t want to follow his instructions while he stood there, but I couldn’t stand the way my mouth tasted.
“Are you going to be okay for a minute while I try to find an extra toothbrush?”
I nodded with the glass pressed to my lips. While he was gone, I rinsed my mouth, thinking I still might be able to leave. Until I let go of the sink, turned to the door, and almost ended up on my ass again. I was clinging to the countertop when Jake came back, carrying one of the individually wrapped toothbrushes the dentist hands out and a tiny tube of toothpaste. I’d never been so grateful for mint. He waited while I brushed my teeth and then wrapped his arm around me again, steering me through the door and down the hall.
“I really think I can handle going home.” I wanted to stand up straight and show I could walk on my own but being steadied by Jake felt too good. Safe and protected.
“Come lay down and rest for a bit. If you feel better, you can go home later.”
He opened the door to his bedroom and led me inside. A king-sized bed with a white down comforter stood in the center of the far wall. I knew it was down because I’d had it delivered a few weeks ago when he’d complained about his old one. I wasn’t sure if the made bed and tidy room were a normal thing or if he’d done it as a precursor to our play. I’d bet a sizeable amountof money the red silk ribbons on either side of the bed weren’t normal decorations.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my mental torment vying to edge out my physical distress for the thing that was making me feel the most miserable. “I wrecked our afternoon and did terrible things to your feet.” And his poor floor. I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone cleaning up after me. Especially Jake. I tried to turn away from him, but he held me closer.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Elena. Everyone gets sick sometimes.” Steering me to sit on the mattress, he murmured the words against the top of my head. “You’re human.”
I heard my mother’s voice in my head when she’d chastised me the one and only time I’d burped in front of her.Women of worth are ladies. No one wants to think of them as human.There’d been endless rules where my mother was concerned but a whole subsection of them revolved around not letting a man—or anyone else, for that matter—see any evidence of bodily functions.
“Wait just one minute.” He left me perched on the edge of the bed while he went to his dresser and pulled out a navy T-shirt.
I gripped the duvet, trying to stay upright while the pounding behind my eyes tried to pull me down.
“Easy, let me do this,” he said, gently as if he was talking to a child or a scared animal and not his regular filthy sex partner.
He unbuttoned my blouse, revealing the lavender-blue La Perla bra I’d chosen to match the crystals on the nipple clamps. Back in another world before I got sick and ruined things.
“Pretty,” he said, sliding the blouse off my shoulders and nudging my arms up so he could replace it with his T shirt.
The soft cotton swallowed me, surrounding me with the scent of detergent, which was infinitely preferable to the odor of sickness. He unzipped my skirt and helped me lift my hipsenough to let it fall to the floor. Dropping to his knees in front of me, he tugged off my fuck-me heels.
“Under you go.” He kept a hand on my arm, steadying me while he turned back the duvet.
I’d lost any pretense that I’d be doing anything other than curling up in his bed. With its new linens, it made an inviting nest. I noticed he hadn’t put the top sheet on the bed. Then he pulled the covers to my chin, kissed me on the forehead, and I lost track of everything else as my eyes drifted closed and sleep claimed me.
16
Iwaited until Elena fell asleep before picking up her discarded clothing and setting it on the chair. I knew it’s what she would do if she was well enough to do it for herself. Left to my own devices, I’d leave a trail of abandoned garments wherever I took them off, but things mattered to Elena, and whatever we were to each other, she mattered to me.
I dug around under my sink in the connected bathroom for something to set beside the bed in case she needed to be sick again. I found a small trash can Anna left under the sink to hold my used washcloths and emptied it into the larger hamper in my closet. Things didn’t always end up where they were supposed to, but my housekeeper Anna set things up in a way that gave me the best chance of making the system work for me. I set the can beside the bed, pausing for a moment to watch Elena sleep. She looked younger—still beautiful—but vulnerable. Seeing her like that felt a bit like taking advantage, and I forced myself to turn to go.
Pulling the door partway closed behind me, I grabbed my phone and called Mark. I needed a house call, and I knew he’d come if I asked. I didn’t have any reason to believe Elena had anything more serious than food poisoning or a twenty-four-hour virus, but given how quickly she’d gotten sick, I didn’t want to take any chances.
I’d cleaned up myself and my floor while Elena had been glued to the toilet. I found reasons every day to be perpetually grateful to Anna, but knowing my bathroom was actually clean and finding the wet mop filled and ready to go topped today’s list.
While I waited for Mark to arrive, I did a quick search through my pantry and refrigerator to see what I might have—again, thanks to Anna—that a sick person could keep down. The answer was not much, which was exactly why online grocery ordering and delivery existed. I placed an order for bread to make toast, ginger ale, already cooked rice in those little bags I couldn’t burn, a half dozen kinds of tea, and every upset stomach and flu medicine I could find. Then I ordered chicken soup from the market down the road and two roast beef subs with pepperoncini and provolone—one for me and one for Mark—along with a six-pack of stout.
As soon as I hit Enter, I changed my mind and added a turkey sub for Elena in the unlikely event that she was hungry anytime soon and felt well enough to eat. I had no idea if she even liked turkey or if she was allergic to anything. We’d never eaten together or been out on a date. The magnitude of it suddenly hit me.
We’d never seen each other outside of my place.
In the beginning, it was supposed to just be sex with no complications or strings. I’m not sure why she’d chosen my place instead of hers, but it suited me, and I’d been too selfish to question it. It must have suited her too. I had no doubt that if our arrangement didn’t work for Elena, she’d change it.
I might not know her favorite foods or how she took her coffee. Hell, she might prefer tea. But I knew she wouldn’t hold onto something that wasn’t working. I knew it was important toher to make the world around her better. She’d been doing that to my world since we met. Some little things like the bathroom towels and new sheets, and some bigger ones like the couch and trusting me to explore her fantasies with her.
I stood in the middle of my loft, surrounded by the scent of lemon cleaner, with a woman I’d fucked but never dated asleep in my bed, and realized somewhere along the way things had changed for me.
Before my unresolved feelings dragged me further down a path I hadn’t intended to walk, the doorbell chimed. I hurried to answer before the sound woke Elena.
“I’m pretty sure I heard you say you’ve got a sick woman in your bed,” said Mark as soon as I opened the door. “Is that some kind of code?”
