“Absolutely. I wouldn’t recommend him if he wasn’t. At bare minimum, he should show you a very good time.” I’d set Meredith up with the handsome attorney as soon as I suggested the gala to John and realized I had one too many dates. He was an exceptionally nice guy and had been good-natured about the switch. I expected a thank you fruit basket or something when he saw my friend in this dress.
“Exactly what I’m looking for.” Meredith grinned at her reflection before disappearing into the dressing room to change back into her regular clothes.
I collapsed into the chair next to Alex, rolling my ankles to relieve some of the tension in my feet. The calf-high tan leather boots were perfect with my blue A-line skirt, but they started to feel tight after a couple of hours.
“Who knows, maybe the date will turn into something more.” Alex tipped her head, considering.
“Between you and Charlotte, it’s like love is everywhere. You can’t pair everyone up.” I didn’t like the cynical tone to my voice. It wasn’t like I didn’t think love was possible, and I sure as hell didn’t begrudge my friends their happiness. Maybe I was tired. Whatever it was, I’d fix it. I believed in luck, but I believed more in my power to make my life what I wanted.
“Are you going with the friends-with-benefit guy or someone else?” asked Alex.
Thinking of Jake in the context of public benefits and love gave me whiplash. For a moment, I imagined what it would have been like to add delicious hotel sex to our tally. Get dressed up, maybe meet in a bar. Leave to go up to the room and then nip into the stairwell because the elevator would take too long, and we couldn’t wait. I had an image of him holding my wrists above my head with one hand while he reached under my cocktail dress with the other.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” said Alex, dragging me back to the present. “But whatever it is, I want some.”
“I’m taking a client.” I ignored the fact that she’d assume I’d been thinking about John. For my Jake fantasy to work, we’d have to go out in public which I didn’t think he’d want to do. He’d have to wear a suit to sell the fantasy, which I knew he didn’t want to do.
“Crossing streams on purpose. He must be something.” Alex sat up straighter, pinning me with her gaze.
I shoved aside thoughts of Jake and paused for a minute before I answered. John was smart, ambitious, and focused. I had the sense that he didn’t rely on luck either. He made his own. It was one of the reasons I’d asked him to go to the gala. I intended to ignore the date aspect and his interest in me until I decided how I felt about things. For now, I’d concentrate on the job.
The council needed to see him the way I saw him—confident but relaxed. The gala was the perfect way for him to accomplish that goal. Standing by his side, I stood a much better chance of helping smooth the way, which was what he’d hired me for. And spending the evening with a handsome, powerful man wasn’t exactly a hardship.
“It’s more work than pleasure. It’s John Essex, the hotel developer.”
“I know how important that job is to you. Are you really worried the approval won’t go through?”
“Not worried exactly. It’s more just wanting to ease things along. He’s from up north and has the outsider bit working against him, but the project is as good for the parish as it is for him. As soon as everyone realizes that, the rest of it should fall in line.”
“It sounds like you’ve got it under control. Speaking of control,” said Alex, a mischievous look lighting her eyes. “Did you have a chance to play with the toys? Any plans to go further down the BDSM path with the guy you don’t take out in public?”
“I don’t know.” Straight. To the point. True. “We haven’t had time to try the toys. I had to reschedule because of work. We’re getting together in a few days. I’ll decide about the rest after.”
I should have known she’d bring it up. Power exchanges and sex were literally her bread and butter—first with her train-a-dom business and more recently with her first book. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to her about it. It was more that despite the internal wrangling and obsessing, I still wasn’t sure what to think about any of it.
I ought to be able to accept that I got off when Jake spanked me and let that be enough, but letting things be enough had never really been my thing. Editing, revising, re-imagining to the edge of overworking, not stopping until it was perfect…that was my thing. I just hadn’t quite figured out how to apply it to kinky sex with a man I probably definitely wasn’t dating.
“But you trust him, right? Unconventional relationship aside, I know you’d always be safe.”
I did trust Jake. Probably more than made sense. Especially considering I’d just realized how little I knew about him. I was still disappointed in myself for the lack of interest I’d taken in his work and the reason why.
“Yes. Not just from a safety standpoint. That’s not an issue. I trust him with what I want. I’m never too much for him.” I realized as I said it; it was true. Despite how little I knew about him and the horrible misconceptions I had, I could be more myself with Jake than with anyone other than my closest friends. “Maybe it’s because we don’t have a relationship, but I can be more honest with him about what I like.”
“You realize relationships—the good ones, anyway—are supposed to work like that too.” Alex pressed her hand to her lips and studied me over her steepled fingertips. “It’s kind of the point of intimacy. Having someone actually see you—for you to actually see them, behind closed doors and in public.”
If she was right, it hadn’t been my experience. Men—at least the ones I’d dated—wanted me to be beautiful, uncomplicated, finished. Thein processandmaintenancestuff got hidden behind a carefully constructed façade. John might be interested in the Elena who backpacked across France, but I doubted he’dwant to see the grubby, sweaty reality. I ignored for a moment my sense that Jake might.
It didn’t feel like lying. It was the way I’d been handling myself since childhood. Doing what was expected of me because that’s how responsible people lived. It wasn’t hiding. It was good management. At least that’s the way I’d always thought of it.
“What are we seeing?” Meredith met us, holding a garment bag over her shoulder and a shoe box under her arm.
“The real Elena,” said Alex, still studying me in a way that might be disconcerting if I let it.
“The real Elena is hungry. For food,” I added when I saw Alex’s lip twitch.
“Fine. There’s a new raw bar across town. Let’s see how much damage we can do to their oysters.”
15
