“Fuck, Luke.” She pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead willing away the next ten minutes or however long it was going to take to get him out the door. She hadn’t been sure he’d even heard her, but as much as it hurt, she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re fucking right I don’t. I was just trying to help.”
“I know.” Exhaustion pressed down on her shoulders. She didn’t think she’d ever felt so wrung out. “I make myself vulnerable every day while you hide behind your iron hard control. I’ve surrendered to you over and over. Even when you didn’t ask me to.”
“I never wanted to make you to do something you didn’t want to do.” He shoved his hand through his hair and even now, she had to fight the urge to comfort him.
“You didn’t. I wanted everything we did together. All of it. But I can’t feel like my life and the things I’ve worked for are an insignificant diversion, and I can’t give anymore of myself to you without losing more than I have to give.”
“That’s not what you are to me. It’s not what I’m doing.” He’d gone very still and she knew that something between them had shifted.
“It is. Whether you mean it that way or not. I can’t be your equal in money. Almost no one can,” she said, willing him to understand, needing to have this last truth between them. “I could be okay with that, but you don’t let me in. You haven’t told me anything about you.”
“Who I was isn’t important. The only thing that matters is who I’ve made myself into. I don’t share my past with anyone, Claire. I never have.”
“That’s it exactly.” She blinked furiously at the tears clouding her eyes, praying she could get through this without sobbing. There would be plenty of time later to break down. “It isn’t your fault. You didn’t mislead me or make promises, but I don’t want to be just anyone to you.”
“You’re not, Claire. You’re not just anyone.” He said the words but she could already feel him pulling away.
“But I’m not enough. I really need you to go.”
“This isn’t over,” he said, reaching for her arms. “We’re not over.”
“We have to be.” She stepped out of his grasp, backing away from him. “I can barely stand this. If I get in any deeper, I won’t survive it. Good bye, Luke.”
LUKE MADEHIMSELF walk down the driveway to his car waiting at the curb. He managed to open the door and slide in behind the wheel but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to turn the ignition. He never meant to fuck things up so badly. He’d convinced himself he was helping Claire. He knew she’d fight him on it, but he told himself she’d come to appreciate the help. That he was doing it to make things easier for her.
He rarely lied to himself. He seemed to be doing it a lot where Claire was concerned.
He’d wanted to help her. That much was true, but he also needed to be in control especially where she was concerned. Taking charge of the repairs had been just another way to do that. If he didn’t hold on tight, he was afraid she’d blow through his carefully constructed walls.
She almost had last night when she told him she loved him. The way she gave herself to him was so fucking beautiful. She destroyed him with her strength and vulnerability. She didn’t hold anything back even when it would have been so much safer for her if she did.
Claire made him want to take a chance. For the first time in his life he wanted to let himself love someone, his sweet, strong, gorgeous Claire, and accept her love in return. But how the fuck was he supposed to do that?
He scrubbed his face with his hands, lost for the first time since he was a kid. He had no idea where to start, and Claire was the only beacon in front of him. The only way he’d survived his past and built the life he wanted was by never making himself vulnerable.
How the hell did he change decades of never letting go, of making sure he never gave his power to anyone?
He’d lose her. He might be able to have her again, to sink into her tight wet heat. She wanted him, and she loved him. If he worked at it, he could probably convince her to give herself to him again, but she’d hate them both afterwards. And if he didn’t share himself with Claire, she’d be gone.
As scared as he was to let her in, he was terrified of losing her. She’d already found a way under his skin and into his heart.
What the fuck did he have to lose that he hadn’t lost already?
He simply had to convince her to give him another chance and do whatever it took to make things work. He grabbed the door handle feeling determined and lighter than he ever remembered feeling. Making the choice to be honest about his love for Claire filled him with hope and an overwhelming sense of possibility. He always got what he wanted and this time what he wanted was Claire’s love. He’d work as hard as he had to to earn it.
His cell phone buzzed, and he checked the screen. Sparks. He ought to let it go to voicemail. He was getting damned sick and tired of holding his construction manager’s hand. At the last minute, he answered, knowing before he heard the older man’s voice that he was going to regret it.
“What’s up, Sparks?” If it was a fucking update about storage trailers, Luke was going to blow a fuse.
“There’s been an accident, Luke,” said Sparks with a slight catch in his voice.
“What happened? How bad is it?” The fact that he used his name instead of calling him Mr. Masters set Luke on high alert.
“Bad. You need to get over here right now.”
“What happened?” he asked, knowing he didn’t want to hear the answer.
“He fell. Oh God, he fell. Please just get over here.” The quaver in Spark’s voice made Luke’s blood run cold.
“On my way,” said Luke, starting the car. He wanted to know who fell and how bad it was but he didn’t think he’d get more out of Sparks over the phone. The older man was clearly shaken. “Call 911. I’ll be there in as fast as I can.”
“They’re here already. Bring Claire. She needs to be here, too.”
