THREE
“MY GOD I’VE MISSED YOU,” Luke said as he stroked a mostly sleeping Claire’s back.
Having her curled warm and soft, fitted to his body with nothing between them, was so much more than he’d let himself hope for when he left for the police station that morning. He’d been willing to do whatever it took to get her to give him another chance, but he honestly hadn’t been sure he’d be able to convince her. He hated that they’d lost any of their time together, but he vowed not to fuck it up again.
He’d felt her hesitation when they started to make love, but in the end, after everything that happened, she’d still been his Claire. Warm, sweet, generous, sexy as hell Claire who hadn’t held anything back from him. He couldn’t believe he got to be that lucky, but the woman in his arms was everything he’d ever wanted and hadn’t dared to let himself believe he could have.
“Missed you, too,” she said, her words a sleepy murmur against his chest.
“I’m sorry I never got to see your Chestnut Street house finished.”
“Me, too.” She didn’t lift her head, but she sounded more awake. “You helped with it. You’ve should have seen it.”
He knew he was headed into dangerous territory, but he wasn’t going to let himself chicken out. He might not know much about relationships, but he was pretty sure they didn’t stand a chance if they pushed what had happened away and ignored it. And it was infinitely easier for him to talk with her warm, sweet weight in his arms. Kind of like getting to hold the prize while he worked for it. It was the perfect example of all he stood to lose if he didn’t hold his shit together.
“Eric said it was beautiful. I knew it would be.”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said, and he tightened his grip on her.
“I’m so sorry, Claire. I could make up a bunch of bullshit, but the reality is I was scared. And I took it out on you. I didn’t know how to love. I knew sex, and I went back to what I knew. I’m so very sorry.”
She stayed quiet for a moment, but he felt her body tense and then she was pulling away and he hated himself for bringing any of it up.
“I’m scared,” she finally said, propping herself up on one elbow and meeting his gaze. The sleepiness was gone from her face, and he hated that he was the one who’d put the haunted look in her eyes. “I wasn’t before, but I am now.”
“Fuck Claire, I love you. I don’t want to scare you.”
“I know, and I know you love me. I knew that before that night with Eric, but it doesn’t stop the fact that you used my feelings for you to punish me because you couldn’t own your own. I know you love me, Luke. I’m just not sure it means the same thing to me that it does to you. I don’t know what will happen if I trust you again and things don’t work.”
She didn’t say if she trusted him and he fucked up again, but they both knew that’s what she meant.
“I’m doing the best I know how to,” he said, hating how small and defensive he sounded.
“I know you are.” She pressed a kiss to his chest and curled back into him, snuggling into the warmth of the blankets.
He held her to him, and a for the first time since he was a boy sitting in the church his father had dragged him to, he prayed to a god he wasn’t sure he even believed in to find the strength not to fuck this up.
CLAIRE WOKE IN the dim pre-dawn light with Luke’s body curled protectively around her. She was warm, sated and scared to death she’d fallen right back down the rabbit hole with this sexy, gorgeous-as-sin man who had the power to own her.
The fact that he’d been willing to share her with Eric all those weeks ago to avoid falling in love with her had been a bitter pill to swallow, but in the end, it wasn’t the worst part. He hadn’t been able to go through with it. She’d been blindfolded and still didn’t know if he’d kicked Eric out or if the other man had seen what was going on and left on his own. She didn’t want to know. She and Eric were okay. They’d settled things with each other, and if they were still a little careful physically, she was sure that would fade with time. Her problem had been, and still was, with Luke.
She’d been tied up and vulnerable, and he’d wrung orgasm after orgasm out of her body simply because he hadn’t been man enough to admit his own feelings. There probably wasn’t a woman on the planet she could explain it to where she wouldn’t sound crazy, but because he couldn’t own his feelings, he’d taken her vulnerability and wielded her pleasure like a sword to cut the emotional ties between them.
The sex she’d had with Luke was better than any she’d ever had before. Off the charts better, but looking back, so much of it had been one-sided. He gave her pleasure. He tied her up either verbally or physically and overwhelmed her with the responses he could wring from her body. There had been a few times when she’d felt his control crack – the night of the 609 West opening when he’d forgotten the condom was one– but for the most part, he was the one in charge. He stayed detached and in control, and she dissolved in his arms.
And as much as she’d loved being with a man strong enough to help her fly, she couldn’t do it if she couldn’t trust him to be her safety net, too. That night weeks ago when she’d broken the pearls binding her, it felt like some kind of contract had broken between them. One where she didn’t hold back and he didn’t take more than she could give.
She didn’t know how to put things together again, but she knew she couldn’t move forward without something changing between them. Tonight had been a start, but she wanted a chance to take Luke to the sky with her. They both had to be strong, and they both had to be vulnerable if they stood a chance of making this work. Inching out from under his arm, she burrowed deeper under the covers and set out to show him in a currency she knew he’d understand.
Nuzzling her way over the soft hair dusting his toned stomach, she breathed in the warm scent of sleeping man and soap from the shower they’d shared before falling asleep. She ran the tip of her nose along the crease of his groin and felt his cock start to swell and harden against her cheek. It still amazed her, the effect she had on his body and how one part of him could hold such power, both his and hers.
She raised her head, until the tip of his now hard cock rested against her lips. With the point of her tongue, she licked around the round, smooth head and felt him thrust toward her, his body reacting before his mind engaged. Sucking gently, she pulled him into her mouth, taking as much as she could, and then pausing until she caught her breath before sinking lower. She was nowhere close to taking all of him, but if she extended her tongue past her lips on the underside of his cock, she could just skim the curly hair at his root.
“Fuck, Claire,” he groaned, sounding groggy, but his hand fisted in her hair.
She knew he’d wake up more every second, and then if she didn’t stop him, he’d take control of what she was doing. What they did together. She reached back to smack his hand away, and then slid his length from her mouth. Climbing to her knees so she could see him in the dim light, she looked down and waited until he opened his eyes, meeting her gaze with his.
“Come here, sweetheart,” he said, reaching up to pull her to him. “Let me make love to you.” He tried to tug her up his body, but she leaned back out of his grip.
