Just…acceptance.
My chest aches yet warms at it.
We drive for a few blocks before I speak again, voice low.
“I hate Truth or Dare,” I admit.
“Same.” Logan’s mouth twitches. “I was a total dick at a party awhile back with one of my teammates and his girl. Caused a lot of shit between them. I was mad and took it out on him because he had what I wanted.”
I glance at him, confusion furrowing my brow. “You wanted the girl he was with?”
“No.” Logan’s eyes fly to mine before going back to the road. “Not at all. It wasn’t that. I wanted what he had in the sense that he had who he wanted and was insanely happy. He had someone choosing him back. Jaxon put his entire future in the NFL on the line and transferred to PCU for his best friend, without any clue that she didn’t even remember calling him in the first place. He’s a hell of a lot better wide receiver than I am, too, and took my starting position, so that didn’t help things either. Honestly, though, it was what the team needed. We’re good now, but I really fucked that up for a minute.”
“Huh. Who would’ve thought you, of all people, would be so self-aware?” I glance at him, the streetlights highlighting the cut of his jaw, the slight stubble growing there. “You saved me in there tonight.”
Logan’s eyes flick to mine, then back to the road. “You didn’t need saving.”
“Yes,” I say sharply. “I did. I don’t like to talk about those things, even with Jade and Blakely.”
Logan goes quiet, contemplating, and then he exhales a question I really don’t know the answer to. ”Why do you talk to me about it then?”
I swallow hard, forcing the words out before I can take them back. “I don’t know,” I whisper.
Logan’s jaw flexes, but he doesn’t say anything more.
The rest of the drive home is quiet.
When we pull into the driveway, the porch light is still on, Cam’s truck parked next to mine.
Logan turns off the engine and looks at me.
His voice is careful. “Ready to go inside?”
Honestly? No.
Unbuckling, I turn to face Logan, his brow lifting in a silent question, but he doesn’t go to leave the truck.
The back of my eyes starts to tingle, and I know it’s just a matter of time before tears escape. Logan’s eyes soften, as if he can sense the storm brewing in my mind.
Everyone always talks about grief after the fact, but no one ever talks about the absolute despair that consumes you during the time when you know what’s coming, just not when.
“I don’t want to go inside yet,” I say, leaning my head against the seat.
Logan mimics my position, leaning back against his door and getting comfortable. “Then we won’t.”
His eyes stay on mine, and I swear, I could get lost in them if I’m not careful. Even in the dark, I know what they look like. I’ve spent half my life staring at them, but they’ve never brought me comfort until recently. They’re blue, but not a typical blue. They remind me of a storm, in a way, or maybe it’s the calm before the storm hits, swirling shades and hues of blue.
“There was never a girl named Emma, by the way,” he says, snapping me back to reality. “I honestly can’t remember who myfirst crush was. I’m sure I had one, but I can only remember one girl from my past.”
Something that feels a lot like jealous swirls in my stomach, but I ask the question anyway. “Who?”
Logan’s eyes trace over my face before he leans forward, tucking a stray hair out of my face and behind my ear. “There was this girl. She was absolutely ruthless. She’d steal my football, hide my shoes, swap her tuna fish sandwich for my PB&J when I wasn’t looking. She also took the filling out of my Oreos and swapped it with toothpaste once.” He pauses, a small grin tugging at his lips.
A wobbly chuckle leaves me. “She sounds terrible.”
“The worst,” he says, bringing his face even closer. If I moved an inch, my lips would meet his. “She’s gorgeous. Smart. Maybe a little terrifying, but she got my attention, and she’s kept it ever since.”
I can’t take it anymore. I close the distance between us, trying to tell him without words whatever it is that I’m feeling.
