He felt sick to his stomach, and he decided to go for a jog and then take a cool shower when he got back. He shook his head, remembering what time it was, and told himself that taking a jog might not be the best idea since he would have a long day of travel and work tomorrow.
He got into the Tahoe, and the instant he tossed his phone into the console, it vibrated with an incoming call. One glance at it told him it was Savannah.
"Hey, you okay?" he asked, picking up.
"Yeah, hey, I wanted to say something."
"Okay."
"I-I'm not scared of dying on my trip, and I don't think I will or anything, but all I'm saying is that I—EJ are you there?"
"Yes."
"Okay, well, I just wanted to say that, hypothetically, if I were to die before the next time I see you… not that I think I will… I'm not feeling morbid or anything. But let's just say that… I was thinking that if this was the last time we would ever see each other, then (a sigh) then I would regret that goodbye we just did, EJ. I wish we had said goodbye better just now."
Her voice was light and vulnerable, and EJ wanted her so badly he felt like he was about to explode. His hand was absentmindedly on his steering wheel, and he caught himself gripping it tightly. His heart was racing.
"Are you there?" she said.
"Yea-" He paused and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm here. I was, uh, thinking about that… sort of thinking the same thing." He put his hand on the door handle, knowing he was going back inside.
"Then, can you please come back up here for a second. I know you have to leave. I know you have to be getting to bed. And I'm sorry. I'll come to you if you want. I'm desperate enough to say 'old time's sake' right now." Her voice was tender, and his heart felt crushed.
He hesitated before getting out. "Savannah, the only reason I didn't do it already is because I want more than that. I'm not going to be able to stop at that 'old time's sake' stuff. That's about just having a moment and then saying goodbye and pretending we don't want to do it again. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm not able to say a casual goodbye after that. I don't want to say goodbye to you."
"What do you mean by that?" she asked. "Tonight, or ever?"
"I don't know. Both."
There was a pause.
EJ had no idea what she would say next.
"I don't know what I can promise," she said. Her voice. It was so soft and hesitant that he knew she was wrestling with her own walls and boundaries. "But all I know is please don't leave yet, EJ. I feel bad that you're not up here right now. Please, can I see you one more time tonight?"
Her voice. EJ's heart was humming. He had no other choice but to go to her. She called to him, and he wanted to go, and anything that had been stopping him just faded into the background and became nothing.
He left the vehicle. She was aching, he could hear it in her voice. In that moment, he didn't care what she could promise him. He was willing to settle for whatever she would give him.
EJ went back the way he came, only this time moving faster. He walked up the sidewalk and then the path to her house with long, quick strides. He went to the side entrance and up the stairs to the third floor.
She had the door open by the time he got to the landing. She stared at him with those big brown eyes, looking lost and hopeful at the same time.
"Can you hold me?" she asked. Her voice came out sounding choked, and EJ moved forward instantly, crossing the threshold and taking her into his arms. A rush of relief hit him when he took hold of her.
She held onto him, letting her body latch onto his, form to his. She tucked her head into his chest and held onto him with a type of gentle firmness that felt like more than a hug. It was like cool wind, the feeling of bliss in his bloodstream. He held her back, only vaguely aware that the door had closed behind them.
"I just want to be next to you," she said.
"I know," he agreed, since that was an understatement. "Come here. Come sit beside me."
EJ pulled her to the couch.
And you know what? Who needed sleep. EJ knew he would sit on that couch with her until he needed to leave for his flight. He could always get an hour or two of sleep on the flight.
He kicked off his shoes and relaxed into the corner of her couch.
"What are you doing?" she asked, looking so happy.
