It hit me in that instant that I should not be standing there kissing EJ. I was getting too carried away. I reached out to open the door, knowing Nico would be standing there. I heard EJ's voice from over my shoulder.
"Savannah," he said softly.
I paused and turned, looking into his eyes. I wanted so badly to continue the things that were happening. I wanted other things too. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to hang out on my couch and watch movies with me.
But then I would start missing him when he wasn't here. That would not be a good thing, and I knew it. It would be too easy to get attached to EJ Decker, and I had to protect myself—I had to protect us both. I could see the way he was looking at me, and I knew we were both in trouble.
I had my hand on the door when Nico pounded again.
"One second, Nicooo!" I called in a sweet tone so that it wouldn’t happen a third time. "We have to snap out of it," I whispered to EJ, making a silly face after I said it. "That was good enough for old times' sake. I don't mess around with guys anymore… not like I did when I was thirteen," I added, laughing a little. I put my hand on his chest—a sincere touch that I kept brief. "I had so much fun with you, EJ. It was awesome seeing you. I honestly never will forget this night. But it's late, and we've already gotten in more trouble than we should've." I smiled at him and looked him in the eyes as I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Thanks for everything," I said to him.
"You didn't come out," Nico said the second I opened the door. I glanced at him to find that he was staring straight at EJ.
"He was just about to," I said easily.
"My friends are already here to pick me up. They're waiting for me downstairs. Ethan and Rebecca brought Sam with them. They're already here, and I wanted to make sure your friend was leaving before we went to jazz night."
"Thank you, Nico. EJ was just leaving right now."
"Okay, good. We'll walk downstairs together," he said, looking at EJ.
I bowed my head and stepped to the side so that EJ could walk past me. I was telling him goodbye, and he understood. It was difficult, but it had to be done. I was already in too much trouble with this guy. If saying goodbye was this hard now, imagine how hard it would be if I prolonged it.
"Is Evie working tomorrow?" Nico asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Uh, yeah. I think. Yeah. She is."
"That's good, I was going to stop by after lunch and let you both know how—I told Evie I would tell her how jazz night went."
"Okay, that's great. See you tomorrow. Thanks, Nico… for walking my friend out. Thanks, EJ for dinner… and the cake."
I smiled my best smile and waved at both of them. Holding it… holding it... I hated seeing him go. It was actually painful. I hoped against hope that I got the door closed before EJ could see the tears gathering in my eyes. I went to the window and watched through blurry, tear-filled eyes as EJ said something to Nico and his friends and then walked to his truck, started it, and left.
I cried that night. It was about hope. I had hope that night, and it left me confused. EJ had done it to me. Hope felt so nice. It was warm and cozy.But what was it for? What was I hoping for?I wanted EJ. I wanted him in ways I could never have him. I realized that night that I hated hope. I hated that warm fuzzy feeling because now that I had it, I didn't want it to leave. It was a fleeting fuzzy feeling, and those were the worst kind.
All night, my thoughts uncontrollably went back to the kiss and how it felt. I wanted to experience it again, and yet I was mad at myself for letting it happen in the first place. I cried because I missed him. I cried because I hated hope. But crying never solved anything, and I wasn't the type to let myself do it for too long.
I had a twelve-hour work day ahead of me, and it was up to me to buck up and prepare myself.
I couldn’t think about the way he made me feel.
I needed to put the kiss behind me.
I needed to put the whole day behind me.
Chapter 10
EJ
A week later
~
Milwaukee ETC
"What are you doing this weekend?" Dom asked, glancing over at his brother. They were walking together, down the hallway of Milwaukee ETC.
EJ had gone to Milwaukee the day before to check on the gym there and spend some time with his brother. He would go back to Chicago that evening.
