As soon as the thought crosses my mind, I realize in that moment, I don’t fucking care. I will protect her child with my life.
I startle when someone cuffs my shoulder. “You look about as stunned as I was when she told us,” Tristan says.
“I…” Have nothing. No words.
“Want a beer?”
Yes, I absolutely want a beer after hearing that unexpected news. “Sure.”
I follow him inside the house to the kitchen. It’s a mess of empty food platters and what’s left of the wedding cake. He grabs two chilled beers from the fridge and hands me one, then presses his bottle to his temple.
“Tired?” I ask, trying to make small talk in the strained silence that has filled the kitchen.
“Small headache.”
I recently learned that Tristan suffers from debilitating migraines, severe enough to incapacitate him. Aleksei used to get them. Not often, but they were bad when they hit him.
“Where’s your medication?”
He lowers the bottle and twists the cap off. “You sound like Syn. And it’s not bad. Just needed a break from the noise outside.”
“Congratulations. About the news. I really mean that.”
The vision of Syn, her stomach round with child, the glow she’d exude while pregnant—fuck me. I can’t wait to see her like that. Syn is a force of contrasts. Deadly strength and feminine softness. A combination that’s my kryptonite.
“Thanks. To be honest, I’m scared out of my fucking mind. All I can think is how screwed that kid is going to be having us as dads. Not like we had good role models growing up to teach us how to be good men.”
He’s right. We’re not good men. But we’re men with a conscience. Men who know how to love. Unfortunately, we’re in love with the same woman.
I slowly roll the beer bottle between my hands. “And that right there is why you are going to be the kind of dad your son or daughter is going to hero-worship. Francesco has no power over you. He never did, as much as he tried. He doesn’t get to decide the man you choose to be.”
Tristan’s whiskey-brown gaze assesses me, like he’s seeing me for the first time and is trying to figure me out. “Ditto for you, too.” He finishes his beer and tosses it into the recycle bin next to the trash receptacle. “Full disclosure. I used to envy you.”
My forehead creases, my brows drawing down. There was nothing about my life to envy. “You shouldn’t.”
“You got out.”
Index. Middle. Ring. Pinkie.
“If you truly believe that, then you’re fucking clueless.”
Aleksei and I went from Society to bratva. Drako showed us kindness, and he loved us in his own way, but being a part of that world didn’t come without a price. Nikolai forged me into a weapon, and Drako was more than happy to use it. I still see the blood on my hands of every man I killed for him.
“I notice you do that a lot.” Tristan glances at my hand playing piano keys on the countertop, and my fingers immediately stop.
“I’m going to go. Tell Syn bye for me.”
“I think you should do that.”
I’m getting overwhelmed, and I know my limits. And he doesn’t get to witness one of my episodes. I will never show any weakness in front of TristanfuckingAmato.
“I’ll text her later. Have fun in Hawaii.”
I get as far as the hallway to the foyer when he says from the kitchen archway, “I’d like to visit where you spread Aleksei’s ashes. Pay my condolences.”
Fuck you and what you wantis on the tip of my tongue. Aleksei was my brother, not his. I don’t care if we share blood orthe same father. When Tristan looked at Aleksei, all he saw was a rabid animal I had to leash. He never cared to see the person he really was.
“Aleksander, I’m trying. I promised Syn I would try, and I will never break a promise to that girl. I need you to meet me halfway.”
