As soon as Meredith releases me—all happy, knowing grins—Fallon walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my middle. It’s like he can’t go five minutes without touching me in some way. I lean back against him, loving every freaking second of his attention.
Before Meredith and Bryce arrived, Fallon and I had been cuddled on the sofa together, talking about nothing and everything while we waited for Charlotte and Christopher to come home for dinner. It felt so damn domestic. As we talked, I ran my fingers through his hair, amazed that I could touch him like that now.
“Hey, man. Welcome back,” Bryce says to Fallon.
He and Fallon greet each other like they are old friends. I didn’t even know that they knew one another.
Meredith yanks on my arm. “Dirty deets. Now,” she states, pulling me away from Fallon.
She grins wide at him and winks, then quickly drags me through the house and out the back door onto the veranda. I’m unceremoniously pushed down into one of the rockers. Meredith may be small, but she is mighty.
“Talk.”
I point my bare toe to the floor and give my rocking chair a push. Ryder and I would spend almost every evening out here. Every morning, too. Quiet times, just the two of us. Our backyard is huge. We planned it that way so our children could have space to play and run. Over the years, we’ve added things. Ryder built himself a working garage on the left side of theproperty. He added onto the house on the east side and built me a music studio much like the one Dad had at our old house on Fallen Brook Drive. Our children grew up loving both things: cars and music. Charlotte can fix an engine and race a car just as well as her brothers can, and they all know how to play the piano, drums, and guitar. Charlotte also plays the violin.
I planted a butterfly garden, which spread over the years to encompass the entire outside perimeter of the house. I love looking out any window, no matter which room I’m in, and seeing bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds during the late spring through early fall. I also have a small vegetable garden where I plant seasonal vegetables like string beans, tomatoes, peppers, and okra.
I’m proud of the home Ryder and I created. Because that’s what it is.A home. One where love and precious memories are woven into every room, like an intricate cross-stitch.
“The purple looks good on you.”
Meredith’s eyes taper suspiciously. “Do you know how many fantasies I had about Fallon when we were in college? That man played center stage in my spank bank for years.”
My nose wrinkles. “I really did not need to hear that.”
She ignores me. “So you better tell me if he is as good as my imagination always said he would be.”
I mime zipping my lips just to wind her up. And three, two, one…
“Elizabeth! I hate you right now.”
“No, you don’t.”
She pouts, and I emit a belly laugh.
Meredith points at me. “And that right there tells me that the sex was life-altering. You haven’t laughed or smiled, not once, for years.”
That sobers me up instantly because she’s right. And knowing that she’s right fills me with monumental shame. Howcould I let myself fall into such a deep depression? What kind of mother have I been the last three years? A piss-poor one. My kids deserved better.
“Hey, whatever I said that put that frown on your face, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. I’m just so happy for you.”
“It’s not that. It’s just…” I look out across the backyard to where the dragonflies are flitting about, swooping up and down on wind currents as they try to catch mosquitoes. “I didn’t realize how bad I’d gotten. How sad I’ve been. I failed our kids. Ryder must be so disappointed in me.”
“You have been a fantastic mother. Never doubt that for one second. Those kids love you to the moon and back,” she immediately refutes.
I shake off the helpless feeling and change the subject. “How’s Piper?”
Piper is her six-month-old granddaughter. Meredith and Bryce have two girls, Mandi and Becca. I laughed my ass off when she first told me Mandi was pregnant, whining about not being old enough to be a grandma. It’s now become a running joke for me to give her things like reading glasses or knitting needles and yarn. She is never amused by my gifts, but I think they’re funny as hell.
“She’s wild, just like her mom and grandma,” Meredith replies, pride in her words.
Meredith has continued to live up to her nickname of Firecracker. Before Ryder got sick, she and I had a standing girls’ night out every month. Ryder knew to be on call those nights because Meredith had a way of getting us into trouble. Elijah’s dad had to call in a few favors to get me out of being arrested on several occasions. Mer and I should start that up again.
“Are you really not going to tell me?” she says, sounding despondent.
She’s one of my best friends, and I love her to death, but I’m not going to tell her what happened with Fallon earlier.
“I haven’t slept with him.” Yet. But lord, that man knows how to kiss.
