“Well…yeah.”
And that’s as far of an explanation as I’m willing to give.
“Then don’t live inwhat-ifs,” Christopher says.
That catapults me back in time when I said something very similar to Ryder the night I first kissed him.
“What about Jayson?” Ryder asks.
“I love Jayson. But I love you, too. So much. I need you, Ryder. I need to know our ‘what if.’ Things can’t continue the way they are now.”
Christopher takes his half-eaten sandwich and kisses me on the cheek on his way out. He halts under the archway and glances back.
“Don’t be afraid to love someone else. You’ve never been a coward. You’re the strongest person I know.”
The sincerity in his voice leaves me momentarily speechless. I want to tell him that he’s too young to understand the complexities of adult relationships, but he’s right. I’ve beenrunning on autopilot for so long, prioritizing everything but my own happiness. It’s time I take that leap into the unknown.
No matter how much it terrifies the crap out of me.
Chapter Fourteen
ELIZABETH
The Push
“Areyou going to be silent the entire run? I’m getting kind of lonely over here,” Julien says, breathing easily and looking fresh as a daisy after four miles. I, however, am a sweaty, filthy mess.
We decided to meet up at one of the local trailheads and enjoy some nature on our run this morning. Elijah didn’t come out today, and I have a feeling it’s because Julien wants to talk to me. He’s been sliding his eyes my way the entire time we’ve been jogging, like he wants to say something but is waiting for me to say something first. I can read this man like a book.
Julien slows down to a walk, and I follow suit, taking big, deep gulps of air. He hooks my pinkie with his, and I immediately think of Ryder. We would hold hands like that all the time.
“I’ve given you space and haven’t meddled.”
“And I appreciate that.”
“But—”
Pulling up the bottom of my tank top with one hand, I wipe sweat from my face. “Please don’t let there be a ‘but.’ I hate ‘buts.’”
He smacks my backside. “Butyours is so cute.”
I don’t want to laugh. “Very punny.”
“Thanks. I do have my talents.”
We stop under the shade of a tree, and I unstrap my water bottle from my thigh holster. Instead of drinking, I pour some over the back of my neck. The morning started out a balmy eighty degrees, with an afternoon forecast of near the century mark. Add in humidity, and it feels like the ninth circle of hell. I hope we get some pop-up thunderstorms later to help cool things off.
Julien takes a pull of water from the hose of his hydration pack. “Heard Fallon was over for dinner last night.”
For some unknown reason, my hackles rise. I don’t have to explain myself or whose company I choose to keep to anyone, not even to Julien.
Resuming walking speed, I continue down the trail. “Spit out whatever you really want to say.”
Julien runs ahead of me and stops me in my tracks. I stumble before righting myself.
“Liz, what’s going on? Why do I feel like you’re purposefully shutting me out?”
Buying time, I redo my ponytail. “I’m not shutting you out.”
