“I always imagined our daughter would have your blond hair and green eyes,” he whispers.
I close my eyes and picture her. There’s a memory there and I grab it, forcing it forward. I’m opening a silver star. The same as the ones from my dreams. The same as the ones hanging from my bedroom ceiling. The ones from Jayson. Inside is written: “a daughter who has your eyes and your smile.”
I don’t know what comes over me. I don’t know why I do it. But I kiss him. I kiss him right there on the kitchen floor. My mouth on his. His breath becoming mine. Jayson moans and I feel that too. I feel it like a bucket of cold water. What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?
I shove him back and scramble up from the floor. My chest is heaving so hard, I feel like I may pass out from the exertion.
“Liz, wait.”
But I don’t. I run out of the room and out of the condo. I run until I get to my car. Why did I do that? What is the matter with me? I turn the ignition on and drive. I drive for an hour, navigating unfamiliar streets, until I find myself sitting in my car, looking up at my apartment window.
My phone pings and I notice the time when I unlock the screen. Shit! I only have a half hour before I have to be in class.
ScaryGuy: It’s not over between us. It will never be over between us. When ur ready, I’ll be waiting. See u later after chem.
Fuck! My heart is beating a mile a minute. I take a few deep breaths. I love Ryder. I want Ryder. I get angry at my memories. The secret I told Fallon was the truth. I’m afraid of remembering. I’m terrified that what Jayson told Ryder last night might be true. I won’t allow it. I’ll fight it. I’m a fighter. I’ve proven this past year that I am. And I will fight for Ryder.
I take out my phone and text Fallon.
Me: Another secret. I don’t think you’re a piece of shit.
Fallon: I’m afraid of bunnies.
I fall back against my seat and dissolve into a fit of laughter.
Me: Thanks. I needed that.
Fallon: You and my boy. My frat. 2nite. House party.
Me: U know Ryder hates your frat house.
Fallon: 8 pm. Party. Be there. Ry needs to let loose and have some fun.
Me: Alright.
I exit my car and walk up the three flights of stairs to my apartment.
“Ryder?” I call out, placing my keys on the entryway table.
“Back here, babe.”
I find him in the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, lather on his face. He swipes up his chin with a razor, then taps it and rinses it under the faucet. So goddamn sexy.
“They have electric ones, you know.”
“I like it the old-fashioned way. How was your run?”
“Julien and I talked for most of it. I also spoke to Jayson.” Ryder side-eyes me.
He finishes shaving and puts the razor down. Taking a hand towel, he wipes the remaining lather off his face. “I really wish you wouldn’t have.” Turning, he rests his hip against the bathroom vanity, arms crossed in front of his chest.
I reach for his face, wanting to feel its clean-shaven smoothness and breathe in the lingering scent of his shaving foam. It doesn’t surprise me that he sees the necklace almost immediately. His long, masculine fingers trace down the chain to finger the locket.
“He give you this?” Ryder turns it over and reads the inscription.
“Yes.”
“It’s beautiful.” This man. This considerate, wonderful man.
