Elizabeth just nods, a single tear trailing down her cheek. She swallows thickly, sliding her hand through his hair. “Did you know,” she tries again. “Did you know I was pregnant?”
Jayson’s face raises slowly from her lap, and he looks at her with desolate eyes. “No. I had no clue. If I did…”
Elizabeth turns her head toward me. “I want to go home.”
“Okay,” I promise her. “Julien.” I motion for him to come with me. “We can get her discharge papers and see what else needs to be done so she can leave.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He rises up from his position on the floor against the door.
My heart breaks for my girl. For my friend. I wait for Julien, then walk out the door.
Chapter 26
Elizabeth
It’s been three full days since I left the hospital. Seventy-two long hours. Four thousand, three hundred and twenty never-ending minutes.
It’s been three full days since the boys brought me to their place. I haven’t left their condo. I haven’t been to class.
It’s been three full days since I refused to speak with Daniel. He flew back home yesterday. I turned my phone off, so I don’t know if he or Drew has tried to contact me. I wouldn’t speak to either of them if they did.
It’s been three full days since I learned my little girl was dead. A pregnancy I don’t even remember and perhaps never knew about. How fucked up is that? A precious, innocent life that was stolen from me by that monster. The monster that took everything from me. My family, my daughter, my previous life. The life I should be living right now. The one where I wake up at two in the morning to feed my little girl. The one where I hold her tiny, sweet-smelling body and rock her to sleep. The one where I sing her lullabies. The one where I knit her a pair of little booties that she would keep and one day give to her daughter. Elizabeth Ann would have been almost nine months old now, I think.
“Can’t sleep?” Jayson asks me from the right side of the bed. I roll my head to look at him. In the darkness, I can make out his face on the pillow next to mine.
“No.”
I pull Ryder’s arm tighter around me as I roll to face Jayson. Ryder repositions himself so my backside is spooned with his front. I feel his breath on my exposed shoulder as he places a tender kiss on the side of my neck at the hairline.
Julien is lightly snoring at the foot of the bed. He conked out last night after soccer practice. Since he’s on scholarship and on the CU soccer team, he doesn’t have the luxury of skipping practice for three days.
After I was discharged from the hospital, the guys brought me back to their place. They didn’t want me to be alone and I didn’t want to leave them. Ryder and Jayson have stayed home with me every day while Julien and Elijah go to class. For the past three nights, Ryder, Jayson, and Julien have slept with me on Ryder’s king bed. Ryder to my left, Jayson on my right, Julien at the foot, with me in the middle. Elijah’s been sleeping in Julien’s room.
After the fucked-up mess that was Tuesday night, things between Ryder and Jayson have been eerily calm. I know they’re tabling things for now, but I also know a future confrontation about what was said at the library is inevitable despite their current tentative truce. Jayson has already declared to me in no uncertain terms that he’s never going to give up on me. He’s never going to stop waiting for me. And I’m terrified of the fight I know is coming between Ryder and Jayson. For now, though, my mind is dealing with too many other things, and I can’t take on yet another burden.
For the past three days, however, Ryder has been allowing me the time I need to be with Jayson so he and I can work through our emotions about the daughter we lost but never knew existed. Jayson is allowing me the time I need with Ryder as well, but we have made sure to keep our public displays of affection to a minimum whenever Jayson’s in the same room. And then there’s Julien. Julien is Jayson’s twin, and Julien loves me just like the others do. He feels the loss of Elizabeth Ann as if she were his own daughter. Like I said. It’s a big fucked-up mess.
Ryder, Jayson, and I all received emails from the dean. Our classes have been moved to online so we can work on coursework from home until we’re ready to return. Daniel must have arranged something for us. I guess it does pay to be best friends with the dean of CU. Julien has that option as well, but he can’t miss practice or training, so he goes to campus as usual.
All of us under the same roof and sharing the same bed should be weird, especially between Ryder and Jayson, but in all honesty, it hasn’t been. We need each other right now. I need them.
I tap Ryder’s arm to let him know I want to get up. Since sleep continues to elude me, I might as well get some classwork done online. Trying not to disturb Julien, Ryder carefully rolls over and slips out of bed. Jayson and I follow.
“Anyone want coffee?” I yawn.
“I’ll make it,” Ryder says and pads off to the kitchen.
Jayson heads down the hall to his bathroom. “You want in first?” he asks me.
“No, you go ahead. I can wait. Coffee first.” I hear Jayson’s chuckle before he disappears into his bedroom.
When I walk into the kitchen, Ryder already has the coffee brewing. I stop and lean against the entryway that connects the kitchen to the living room. Ryder’s bare, muscled back greets me, his sweatpants riding low and clinging to his hips. Is it wrong of me to be turned on by that right now? I watch as he adds two yellow packets of sweetener to the first cup of coffee and stirs. He picks up the mug and turns around.
“Hey. Didn’t hear you come in,” he says when he sees me.
“Just enjoying the view.”
I leave my place at the entrance and saunter over to him. Ryder sets the mug down on the center island. I walk into his embrace and inhale. I love the way he smells. Something citrusy, slightly musky, and all Ryder.
