The sun is lowering toward sunset in the west, shades of red and deep orange glow across the horizon where the ocean meets the sky. We’ve been out here for several hours. Liz had all of us building sand animals on the beach and searching for shark teeth. We had just finished swimming and jumping the waves when Elijah brought out the frisbee. Jay and I were hungry, so we sat down to eat a couple of the sub sandwiches we bought before we picked Liz and Ryder up. He was waiting with her at her apartment after apparently spending the night at Fallon’s, which makes no sense because Ry hates Fallon’s frat house.
I hear Liz’s bold laughter as Elijah jumps up trying to catch the frisbee she sailed his way. It flies over his head and lands in the waves. My eyes track between the both of them, and I sigh hard.
“You’ll need to be more specific then,” I finally answer.
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you keep blowing E off to spend time with Liz.”
“And you wouldn’t?” Jay would drop me in a heartbeat for Liz.
He ignores my comment and plows on, “Or the way you’re always touching her now, holding her hand. Kissing her,” he emphasizes.
“Is that what this is about? You’re jealous that Liz spends more time with me than you?”
“Fuck you, Jules.”
“No, fuck you, Jayson,” I counter back. “You’re not the only one who missed her. You’re not the only one who grieved this past year after she was attacked, and when she disappeared. So fuck you very much. She gets to decide who she wants to hang with now. It’s not up to you anymore. You don’t have control over her like you used to.”
I shut my mouth tight, regretting my words. Jay looks like he wants to punch the shit out of me, but his hurt comes through loud and clear.
“That’s what you think I did? Controlled her?”
It’s time to bring the tough love, I tell myself. “In a way, yes, you did. You were so afraid of not being the one she chose that you pushed me and Ry out and basically erected a barbed-wire fence around her that said ‘Keep Away.’ She was my best friend too, Jay, and I hardly got to spend time with her because you always planted yourself in the middle. She couldn’t go anywhere without you tied to her side.”
“She’s my girlfriend. I love her. Of course I would want to spend all my time with her.”
“Lizwasyour girlfriend. And you just proved my point.”
“Are you trying to be hurtful here, Jules? Have I ever complained about how much time you spend with Elijah?”
“Elijah has nothing to do with this. We’re talking about you and Liz.”
Jay throws his half-eaten sandwich back into the cooler. “Elijah does have something to do with this. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the hurt look he gets when you blow him off. Jesus, Jules, he gave up Stanford for you.”
The guilt I feel when he says that, coupled with the added guilt of that kiss with Liz several weeks ago, has my words flying out carelessly, taking aim at my brother.
“I never asked him to do that. Don’t you dare place that on me. You practically spit nails at me and Ry because Liz wants to be around us more than she wants to be around you. You scare the shit out of her. You ever wonder why she has memories of Ry and not you? Something to think about,” I finish, standing up.
I expect Jay to fight back, hurl curse words at me, but he doesn’t.
I take several steps away from him, then stop and turn around. “Shit. Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Jay’s face is red and blotchy as he bores his steely eyes into me. “One day, she’s going to remember.”
It’s his turn to stand up and walk away. He shoulder bumps me hard when he passes and then runs over to catch the frisbee Ryder just flung to Liz. He joins her side and tosses it to Elijah.
Well, hell. That could have gone better.
“Babe! Join us!” Elijah shouts over at me, waving his hand. Liz breaks from the group and runs over to me.
“Hey you. What are you doing all by yourself over here?”
“Thinking.”
Her smiling face turns serious when she notices the seriousness in mine. “Are you okay, Julien?”
“Yeah. Possibly. I think so.”
“Well, that’s a lot of vague nothing. Hold on,” she says and jogs over to Ry, whispering something in his ear. He nods and tosses the frisbee to Jay who almost misses it because he’s scowling at me.
