Ryder covers my hand on the table with his much larger one. “He’s never going to hurt you again, Elizabeth.”
I absorb the strength of his words, needing that resolve. That surety. Don’t they knowHehurts me every damn time I relive that night in my dreams?
“I fight,” Jayson announces out loud. “That’s why I’m busted up.”
Thankful for the reprieve, I turn toward him even though Julien’s still holding me from behind. “Like boxing?”
“No. Nothing like that. It’s me and a bunch of other guys getting together to pound the shit out of each other.”
My face scrunches up. “Why would you do that?”
“It’s a way to release tension.”
“How long have you been fighting?”
“About ten months.”
“Don’t you get hurt?”
“Sometimes. But I don’t mind. I need it,” he confesses.
I’m at a loss for words. Why would he want to intentionally hurt himself? And then it hits me. I’m the reason. He hurts himself because of me. He started fighting after I was taken to Seattle. He’s broken, because of me. He’s broken, just like me.
I get up and walk around the small table until I’m in front of Jayson. We stare at each other. I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and tilt his head back further.
“Stop hurting yourself. Stop fighting.”
“I can’t,” is his choked reply.
“I’ll help you.” A single tear runs down my face. I look around at all three of them. “We’ll help each other. I’m ready. I want to know. I think it’s time we start to heal each other,” I tell them. “I can’t promise anything. I know I had a different relationship with each of you in the past,” I look directly at Jayson because he needs to hear me loud and clear, “but I need you to understand that I don’t remember it. I can’t be the girl you used to know. I want you to tell me about my past so I understand better. But I need you to accept the girl I am now.”
“We can do that,” Julien answers. Jayson just crosses his arms over his chest.
“It won’t be that simple, Liz. You may not remember, but I sure as hell do.”
“I need you to try.”
Ryder shoots Jayson a scathing look. “We’re not going anywhere, Elizabeth. Whatever you need. No matter what.”
I sit back down and pick up my half-eaten piece of toast. It’s cold but I eat it anyway. “Okay, then. Why don’t you start by telling me about the first day we met?”
Chapter 11
Elizabeth
“I can’t believe I just ran ten miles,” I pant out, hands on my knees as sweat pours down my face and back.
The man next to me jogs in place looking fresh as a daisy. I, however, look like I just ran through a car wash in the middle of a hurricane.
“Seriously, Julien. You do this every day?” My legs begin to tremble, so I plop down onto the grass.
Sitting down beside me, Julien reaches over to pull me to his side despite my protests of being sweaty and gross. “You get used to it.”
“I think I may need a few minutes before I’m able to stand back up.”
Today is the first day of the semester, and like the stupid girl I am, when Julien asked me to come running with him at five this morning, I was more than happy to say yes even though it meant I would have to wake up at four-thirty. My first class wasn’t until nine. I’d begun running almost every day about six months ago and could do four miles easily. I underestimated my level of fitness. At five miles, Julien had to turn into a drill sergeant to get me to do three more, and then he resorted to bribes for me to finish the last two miles.
I start to tally up the prizes he promised if I finished. “Let’s see. You owe me not only a night of karaoke at Belly’s” — he groans at this — “but also a dinner of my choice and a rom-com movie. Am I leaving anything out?”
