“Perfect. Let me begin by saying that I can’t possibly put myself in your shoes, and I know how difficult things must be for you. It’s my job to help you keep a positive mental outlook and work through any problems or concerns you have about what you are feeling or experiencing. I’ve read over your medical file and have spoken with your doctors in Seattle.” She leans forward, “You are a very courageous young woman.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes but I blink them away.
Dr. Clairemont sits back in the chair, her eyes kind and soft. “Let’s just jump in, shall we? How are you adjusting to the move back to North Carolina?”
I reach inside my bag for the bottle of water I brought with me and take a sip before answering.
“It’s good. I, um, have an apartment. Daniel and Drew had my car delivered so I’ve been able to get out and not be stuck indoors. I’ve visited the CU campus and walked around. Went to the beach a couple of times and to a fun park to go-cart ride and play games.”
“That all sounds lovely.”
“It was. I’ve met a few people. Um, four of them were my friends growing up. Apparently.” Well, that sounded lame.
“Oh? How do you feel about that?” She starts typing on her tablet as I speak.
“Angry,” pops out of my mouth first. “Confused. Happy.”
“You feel angry? Let’s explore that a little. Did you recognize any of the people you met?”
“No.” She types on her tablet again. “Well, I kind of have had these flashes of Ryder.”
“Can you tell me more about these flashes?”
I chew on my thumbnail. “These sessions are confidential right? I mean, Daniel and Drew won’t know what I say to you even though they’re paying for everything, right?”
“Yes. Anything you say to me is protected and confidential.”
“I’ve been having these, um, like memory flashes or dreams or something. I kind of zone out or black out or something when they happen.”
Dr. Clairemont opens the file she brought in. “Every MRI you have had the past fifteen months including your most recent one a month ago were all normal. Have you had any headaches with these events?”
“No.”
“Hmmm. Let’s get you scheduled for another MRI just to make sure. Do you have a neurologist here in town that you are seeing?”
“Yes. Daniel has sent all of my records to Dr. Narwali at Carolina Medical. I have an appointment to see him next week.”
“Yes, I know Dr. Narwali. I’ll get in touch with him after our session today and recommend he schedule a new MRI for you.” She makes a note in her tablet. “Let’s continue discussing the memory flashes you’re having. Can you describe them to me?”
“A few I remember are brief images of me and Ryder. Or a girl that looks like me, but her hair color and eyes are different. ThenHe’sthere.”
“He? Do you know whoHeis?”
“The person who hurt me. Sometimes I can feel the knife.” My hand subconsciously wraps around my side to my broken butterflies. “Sometimes his eyes.” I think Dr. Clairemont notices my uneasiness so she changes the question.
“We’ll come back to that in a minute. Can you tell me more about Ryder?” Just hearing his name makes me smile.
“The four guys I met. Ryder’s one of them. There’s also Julien, Jayson, and Elijah. We grew up together and have known each other since we were kids, but I don’t remember. They showed me pictures.” I take out my phone and show her a few of the pictures they texted me. “The first time I saw Ryder, I ran away from him.”
“Do you know why you ran away from him? Was he threatening in any way?”
“No. He acted like he was so happy to see me. He cried. It’s just…I can’t really explain it. There’s this entire history there with them that I can’t remember. Ryder and I have been hanging out a lot lately. I love being with him. He makes me happy. I feel safe with him. I like him a lot. But then there’s the other guys.” I shift on the couch. “I kissed Julien a few weeks ago,” I blurt out.
Dr. Clairemont stands up and comes to sit beside me. She places her hands near my neck. Are doctors supposed to touch you during therapy sessions?
“Why would you kiss him, Elizabeth?” a deep voice sounds around me. “Why would you do that?”
Wait. What’s going on? Did someone else come into the room?
