“You guys make a cute couple,” I comment to Julien.
“Liz.” Jay again. “Please sweetheart. I’m dying here. I need to hold you. Can I please hold you?”
“Why?”
Why would I let this crazy-assed man who kicked my door in and scared the crap out of me, touch me? I know what I see in the pictures. I see years of me and him together as a couple. But right now? I feel nothing. He’s a stranger to me. He’s the scary guy who barged into my home uninvited and unwelcomed.
“What the hell do you mean why?”
“Jay, chill,” Julien warns him.
“No.” This time he does get up, throwing Julien’s hold off. “Liz, you’re the love of my life. We were supposed to get married. Start a family. Have a life together. I’ve been dead for a year missing you. Wanting you. Desperately trying to find you. Don’t you understand any of that? You love me! We’re supposed to be together!”
A spark ignites inside of me. It grows and burns until it’s a raging inferno. It drives me to take no shit from this guy. Eighteen years of my life is an empty void, but I won’t allow him to bully me into feeling something that I can’t just because of things that once were. Things I don’t fucking remember.
“Listen, asshole. I don’t have to understand anything. I’m sorry if that upsets you. I’m sorry if my nonexistent memory causes problemsfor you. But I don’t give a shit! I’m the one who can’t fucking remember. You can’t barge into my home, into my life, and demand I feel something that doesn’t exist for me! Screw you! I may have been your girlfriend before, but I am not now. Jesus, I don’t even know whoIam!”
Ryder grabs my arm to pull me back. I stop, realizing I’m in Jay’s face shoving at his chest. Once I notice tears in his eyes, I’m almost ashamed of how I reacted. Almost.
“I’m sorry,” I concede. “I know this must be hard on all of you, too. From the pictures you showed me, I get that we were close and meant a lot to each other. I can’t imagine how you all must feel. But please understand how this is for me. This entire situation is very confusing and frightening. I don’t know any of you. You’re all strangers to me.”
“I think we should all sit down and talk. Why don’t we order some pizzas and sit down and talk, yeah?” Julien suggests.
My first reaction is to tell them hell, no, and to get the fuck out of my apartment. But my curiosity is piqued. I would like some answers, and I feel safe enough with Ryder here with me. “Yeah, okay,” I reply. “First, I need to call Drew and Daniel.”
“Who the hell are Drew and Daniel?” Jay snaps.
“Jay,” Julien interrupts his look-alike. “Help me fix her door since you broke it. You still have that toolbox in your truck?” Before Jay can answer, Julien grabs his arm and literally manhandles him out the door. I take a step away as they pass, still wary.
There’s an awkward silence in the room after they leave, but it gives me enough time to regroup and steady my nerves.
“It’s so good to see you, Liz,” Elijah says to me, breaking the quiet. “If you won’t bite my head off, I would really like a hug. I’ve missed you.” He gives me a half-tip grin that has me wanting to grin in return, but I don’t.
“Okay. It’s weird since I don’t know you…well, I don’t remember you. But okay.” He opens his arms and I leave Ryder’s side to walk to Elijah. He envelops me with a gentle hug, full of warmth. His hug is quick but solid.
I hesitate, unsure of what to do. Ryder gives me a tender look of understanding. “Give me a minute. I’ll be back. Make yourselves at home, I guess,” I tell them as I walk to my bedroom.
Once inside my room, I close and lock the door behind me. Holy shit, I think, feeling completely overwhelmed. I count backward from five to one and repeat the sequence until my hands no longer shake. I remind myself of the promise I made not to run the next time I saw Ryder. Well, he’s here. Okay, Elizabeth, you can do this. I grab my phone from the bedside table and call Drew and Daniel to let them know I’ll video them later. They will flip their shit if they find out what happened to my front door. Guess I won’t tell them that part then. I’ll keep my conversation short so I can get back out to Ryder and the other three guys. Guys I grew up with who were my friends. I’m still not sure how to handle the angry guy who insists I was his girlfriend, though. Fuck my new life.
Chapter 4
Jayson
Julien’s cursing me out as we walk to my truck. “You need to calm the fuck down. Didn’t you see how badly you scared the shit out of her? What the hell, Jay? You broke down her damn door. She’s been through enough. She doesn’t remember us. Things are clearly a big fucked-up mess and you aren’t making things easier for anyone, especially her. We need to find out what happened this past year. Can you just shut the hell up for once and listen?”
Funny that I heard the last part of what he said because I hadn’t been listening to him at all. All I can think is Liz wouldn’t let me hold her. My fists clench. She’s mine. Not his. Not Ryder’s.Mine. And she doesn’t remember us. She doesn’t remember our first kiss and every kiss thereafter. The first time we made love and every time thereafter. The first time I told her I loved her and every time thereafter. Every promise we made to one another. All our next times. Every bit of it. It never existed for her. It doesn’t mean a goddamn thing because she doesn’t fucking remember.
“Here.” I shove my toolbox into Julien’s hands and stomp back toward her apartment.
“Hold on, Jay. We need to talk first.”
“No. I need to get back to Liz.”
“Shit, Jay. Stop.” He turns around.
“You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand.”
