I’m grabbing two sodas from the fridge when I hear Jayson’s booming, angry voice, so loud it makes me jump and drop one of the sodas. The can explodes on impact spraying my legs and feet.
“What. The. Fuck!”
I go to grab the paper towels to clean up the mess when I hear Julien say, “It’s not what you think Jay. Let me explain.”Oh, shit!
I run as fast as I can up the stairs to see Jayson’s rigid body blocking the doorway.
“Elijah, get the fuck out of my house right now!”
“No, Elijah,” Julien replies back. “Stay where you are. We’re not hiding this anymore. He needs to know.”
I reach Jayson and grab his arm. “Jayson, please. Calm down. Just sit and listen to Julien. Please.”
If I thought I saw Jayson angry before when he was beating on Marshall at Fallon’s party, this is much worse. And it’s directed at me. “You knew about this?” his voice is cold, hard.
Julien gets out of bed to put on his boxers and hands Elijah his clothes.
I swallow convulsively wanting to tread lightly with how I answer his question. The truth is the only option I have. “Yes,” I answer meekly, nodding slowly.
“You knew about this!” he shouts at me. I startle backward. “How long, Liz. How fucking long have you known?”
Julien and Elijah have dressed and are standing together facing Jayson, but he’s glowering down at me. Julien steps closer to Jayson breaking his angry gaze from my scared one. “Jay, let’s go downstairs and sit down and talk. We owe you an explanation.”
Jayson doesn’t say a word. He jerks back on his shirt and stomps downstairs leaving the three of us looking at his retreating back. “Julien. Julien, I’m so sorry.” Tears are streaking down my face. Julien pulls me into his side and kisses my hair.
“You have nothing to apologize for Liz. Nothing. You hear me? He’s just in shock. Once he calms down and we talk things through, I’m sure he’ll understand. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I should have told him a long time ago.” Julien takes my hand in his and reaches back to take Elijah’s. We make our way downstairs to the living room. Jayson is sitting on one of the armchairs, knees splayed, forearms resting on top. His hands are pulling at his hair and he’s breathing hard.
Evening is falling. The living room is decorated with dark shadows and an orange hue from the setting sun. The mood is somber and quiet. I go to stand next to Jayson, but he bolts up out of the chair the moment I’m next to him. I reach out and he forcefully pushes my hand away. “Don’t,” his gravelly voice warns me. His angry rejection increases the tears that fall down my face. I don’t know what to do, so I stand there motionless.
“Jay, sit down so we can talk. Please,” Julien begs his brother.
Jayson goes to the opposite side of the room from where I’m standing and sits down on the sofa. My heart breaks as I want to hold him so badly right now. Give him comfort.
“I’m here. So talk.”
Elijah and Julien sit down, hands clasped with one another’s, a show of solidarity. I’m so proud of Julien right now. I know how scared he must be and how hard having this conversation with his twin brother is. Julien doesn’t waste time and jumps directly to the matter.
“I’m gay, Jayson. Well, actually, if you want to be technical about it, I’m bisexual. And I love Elijah. I have for a long time.”
“How long?” Jayson murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.
“How long have I known I was gay or how long have E and I been dating?”
Jayson looks up at him in question.
“We’ve been dating for years. My feelings for Elijah were what made me finally come out to Liz.”
“When?”
“When?” Julien looks up at the ceiling and then at me before moving his gaze back to Jayson. “Um, I told her the summer we went to the beach for July fourth. I knew before then. Just never told anyone. I was scared I guess.”
“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me Julien?” Jayson’s face is etched with anguish when he lifts his head. “I’m your twin brother for fucks sake! I should have been the first person you talked to. Why Liz? Why her and not me?”
“I don’t know. Liz is just the person I go to when I need to talk. I don’t know why I ‘ve been afraid to tell you all these years. I guess I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”
Jayson's face is horrified when he looks at his brother. “You thought I would be…Why would you…Fuck.”
Jayson rushes over to Julien and yanks him off the sofa into his arms. “I wouldneverbe disappointed in you. Never, Julien. I love you. You’re my brother. I loveyou. No matter what.”
